Kane

Surrounded by red dust
and the blazing run
In the dry desert heat
we found each other

I followed you,
And you followed me.
I worshipped you,
You worshipped me

I'd break myself again
Bruised and battered,
You'd bandage me.
Saving me, over and over.

When I had no home,
You were my home.
When I was broken
You glued me back together.

Opposites and reflections
Enemies and twins
You are my brother
I love you Kane.

It's you, or nothing. So nothing it is.

Lithe, with a mane of gold

Silently gliding through the world
The breeze sliding over her fresh skin
A laugh forever echoes through my mind.

But wait:
Her laugh isn't your's.
She's not you.
None of them will ever be you.

Now all of them are nothing.
But you're everything.
I want nothing anymore.
Unless it's you.

Midnight In Paris.

Paris
The banks of the Siene at midnight
Our heels clacking on cobblestones
Lips melting over lapping silent waters
An inky sky wavering above us
Rolling silken like the shining sheets
Of the bed we fucked in that very morning
As we woke to wafts of fresh coffee
and hot breads rising in the new day's air

Paris
Our feet wandered you aimlessly
In its days of heat and cooling nights
You were there with me, squeezing my hand in yours
Ah, but now my love, you fucking ruin Paris,
A poison of interjection in every frame of my minds film
Je t'aime pour toujours et toujours
But when, when will you leave me
So at last so this city can be mine?

Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's not.

I never liked anyone as much as you.
I'll never like anyone this much again.
And it's over.
And this sucks.

Some Other Time.

Where has the time all gone to
Haven't done half the things we want to
Oh well, We'll catch up some other time

This day was just a token
Too many words are still unspoken
Oh Well, we'll catch up some other time

Just when the fun is starting
comes the time for parting
let's just be glad for what we had
And what's to come

There's some much more embracing
Still to be done but time is racing
Oh Well, we'll catch up some other time.

~ sung by David Fisher (Michael C Hall),
Six Feet Under Season 3 Episode 1.

Afraid.

A heart
blushing with warmth,
Is now numb.
Locked away,
buried deep from light.At peace with disconnect,
Shutdown, calmness.
Empty 
with nothing to give.
I'm drained, spent and parched.
"You changed me": now, I'm afraid. 
Too afraid to open again.

Scars.

Titles and phrases,
Notes played,
Words sung,
reminders of a broken heart.

Flee.

Watching.
Running after you.
Your mind swimming,
Your eyes in a daze,
The dizziness and panic setting in again.
Hot bile rising in your stomach.

Sobbing.
Sweat on your brow.
Rocking back and forth,
Convulsing vomit in each sob,
Heaving wails of burning acid.
No idea why.

Hands bound behind his back
So tight he bleeds
Unable to speak, unable to act
To do nothing but survey you
Your success to resist, your fight with no enemy,
Unable to change, unable to break out. 

He'll know the pain,
- one day his turn will come too.
The torturing observations.
The unanswered questions, sudden discard.
The loneliness, grey isolation,
Only his cries and a cold wind offer clarity...

... to the long circular marathon of thirty four years.
Pale cheeks crusted with dried tears,
Always looking over your shoulder
Always looking back,

No one ever comes close.

Running forever,
Running forever.

Missing.

Missing.
Missing from my life.
Missing from my embrace.
Missing from your lips.
This was never meant to happen.
Emptiness without you.
Empty.

Fallen Angel

Everyone I see reminds me of you
I keep turnin' round
Expectin' you to be there
I keep seein' our past
Through my looking glass
But fallen angel
Where are you now

After all these years
I remember the tears
When we parted you said
Don't forget me
You were ridin' so high
Now they're passin' you by
Girl I've never forgot you
Please come and get me

Livin' without you is
Hard enough anyway
But knowin' you're hurtin'
Makes it so much worse every day

I just wanna love you
Any way that I can
And watching you cry wasn't
Part of my plan

Tell me how did it feel
In your promised land
That you chose as
Your pain and your pleasure
A temporary sanctuary
Oh fallen angel
I'm your real treasure

~ words & music copyright Uriah Heep 1978

Untitled.

Wish I knew
How it came to this
Walking alone through the crowds
My hand empty
No warmth from you around

The last days
Blocked from my mind
Pain too great
I'm numb
Just can't cry.

Hear your echoes
See your face
Every day that goes by
Doesn't matter what I do
This love won't die

I'm sad, I know now
I can love only one other
My heart is bleeding
But you're gone,
Crying, screaming.

It's pointless
Thinking I could open again after this
You're the only One
My Queen of the sun
The only one I ever want to kiss.

Everyone else is just a pretender
None of them will ever be you
All alien, never a contender.
Sitting here looking at my baby's empty throne
Now it's done, without you I'm alone.

Your Hand In Mine.

A clear night of stars

of Explosions In The Sky.
Cold and shivering
I can feel the regret sinking in
That I want to tell you

- I can't fight this feeling anymore.
How I've felt all this time
That I don't want to be friends anymore
I want to be closer
I want to feel your warmth
Smell your skin, touch your face
Feel your slender waist in my arm
Listen to your voice in my ear
Bury my face in your hair
And tell you that all this time
I've been in love with you
I have to hug you one last time for now
Look you one last time in the eyes
Before I open the taxi door
And wrench myself away from you
From holding you for too long
Knowing that you'll know

That I want your hand in mine forever until I die.

Distance.

In the forced distance between you and me

in the words we say, or do not say to each other

I can safely love you.

~ Koraly Dimitriadis, "Love & fuck poems"

Run.

Run away from you

Running away from responsibility

Take me

As I am

Take me

From the sense of being free.

~ The Hummingbirds, "Run", Gone (EP) 1993.

Starvation.

Our love was like a hunger
Without it I'm starving.
A sketetal shell
Thinned and deadened
Empty without your lips to kiss.
I'd die for you
And without you I'm dying.

You

were my best friend.

My inspiration

My heat

My sunlight

My air which I breathed every single day.

My lover

My ultimate fantasy 

The greatest celebration of my whole life.

My soulmate. 

My wife.

My incredible, most infinite love.

Love her to the point of madness.

My wife got sick. She was constantly nervous because of problems at work, personal life, her failures and children. She lost 30 pounds and weighted about 90 pounds. She got very skinny and was constantly crying. She was not a happy woman. She had suffered from continuing headaches, heart pain and jammed nerves in her back and ribs. She did not sleep well, falling asleep only in the mornings and got tired very quickly during the day. Our relationship was on the verge of a break up. Her beauty was leaving her somewhere, she had bags under her eyes, she was poking her head, and stopped taking care of herself. She refused to shoot the films and rejected any role. I lost hope and thought that we’ll get divorced soon… But then I decided to act. After all I’ve got the most beautiful woman on earth. She is the idol of more than half of men and women on earth, and I was the one allowed to fall asleep next to her and to hug her. I began to shower her with flowers, kisses and compliments. I surprised and pleased her every minute. I gave her a lot of gifts and lived just for her. I spoke in public only about her. I incorporated all themes in her direction. I praised her in front of her own and our mutual friends. You won’t believe it, but she blossomed. She became better. She gained weight, was no longer nervous and loved me even more than ever. I had no clue that she CAN love that much.

And then I realized one thing: the woman is the reflection of her man.

If you love her to the point of madness, she will become it.

~ Brad Pitt

Missing.

"tu me manques".

Murder.

"I don't want to be with you any more"
the knife twist deep
into my beating heart
filled with a love for you
that lasts an eternity.

Failures.

I do my best to hate you

To spit upon every memory of you in my life

Cursing on every word you ever wrote

Every time you ever said you loved me

I piss on you. Each second of each day my mind utters with venom

FUCK YOU.

In my mind I set fire to every moment you touched me

I abhor you. I want to despise you.

But I fail. I fail to push you away.

The greatest poison to ever touch my heart.

You have taken my ability to ever love again.

To ever love anyone but you. You haven stolen my life force, my energy.

I am ash and dust, blown away raging directionlessly

Depleted, cold with nothing for anyone.

But you. I hate that I fail to hate you.

If Only.

If only

You could be mine

So then

I could kiss you

Day after day

After day.

In my dreams

In my dreams,
I drink your full red lips,
Suck your tongue

Swallowing your naked gasps

As we fuck to the rhythm of an endless ocean.

Lover In The Dim.

Where are you My Lover?

An cold empty place this bed
Where your body once lay next to mine

Where is the sweet curve of your breast
The ripe fullness of your crimson lips
Drinking me, taking my heart
Weakening me into you.

Where are you Dark Rose

Where is your breath,
Your gasps of heat,
Fanning flames, petals of sex.

Where did you go my Beauty?
Where are you now.
I'm left alone,
With My Wine In Silence.

Why does your heart shatter
Bleeding into a million pieces
As your mind explodes into the night.

Caress the curve of your waist
Kiss soft white skin,
But alas, you disappeared,
Fleeing once more into the dim...

Poison From The Tree

... her voice is torment
Driving me to my very knees
Crystal eyes hypnotising lust,
Draining every resistance
Taking the will from my body
Submission is a cascade of breathless gasps
My panting a slave to lips of red poisoned cherry
Whispering deadly nothings in my ear,
The seductress weaves her dark powers...

The Ultimate Lie.

You leave my life a black stain,

Your sickness spread far and wide
Infecting everything you touched.
Your cracked parched body
Frail, thin, pale and lifeless
in disgusting destructive self-loathing.

You are the worst thing to happen to me.
The Absorber of Life,
The Stealer of Happiness,
A black cancerous cell spreading annihilation.
You are The Ultimate Lie.

Alice.

Iris of crystalline ice
Skin of smoothest snowsheets
Obsidian mane reflective in moonlight
Full lips of seducing rose
Drinking me, melting me into another world
Enrcircle, reach, pull and gasp.
Take me to this unknown,
Into this raging fire,
Where I wanted to go.

Letting Go.

So many times come
When I think my heart is mended
And there comes a trigger
Something to widen a faded crack
A gap opens and love pours out

I fight back and forth
Hardening, softening,
A constant battle in my heart & soul
No challenge ever so great
So lifechanging, so painful

You touched me so deeply
I surrendered my life to you
I wanted you to have it forever
I wanted to lay basking
Loved in your sunlight for the rest of my life

But now that's deep inside the cracks
Tarnishing with a scar, to soften over
To thicken and fade
Losing colour through the travels of time
A submission into grey memory, just another time in my life.

Freefall.

An uphill slant breaks my kneecaps
My soul is torn to pieces
Feet ripped dry from the fruitless ascent
Panting, my throat parched
Spitting blood matted with raw flesh

At my back and below
A soft layer of cloud
So thick that through it nothing can be seen
A blurry blanket of comfort
Obscurity in an unknown future

Exhausted at last, empty and defeated
The time of resignation arrives
A strangling breath, the air is thin up here,
Ungiving, providing no nourishment
Slowly sucking the life out of my body

Another glance, thick coat of clouds inviting
And so I fall flashing down through the sky
Down, down, down, eyes closing into submission
Arms aloft, weightless in the face of the sun,
Forever free of your bullshit at last.

Breathe.

Draping eyes closed
Lashes sliding gently over each other
A soft breath
An inhale
Drinking in dreams of your golden hair
falling over my cheeks
Your pale autumn skin
melting onto my lips
An exhale
And you are gone
Leaving me alone
With tears streaming down my face
Longing for your slender limbs
to fold through me again.

For You.

Only You.

Forvever You.

And For No Other.

Right Where You Belong.

It doesn't matter

Where I turn

Who I speak to

Where I go

What I do

You're everywhere.

All over my thoughts

In every dream

Filling my heart with every beat.

Resignations.

I try so hard to push you out
The searing heartbreak
Anger of you running away once again
Alone at night, not having you there
No matter how hard I try
I can't stop loving you
I try so hard to push you out.

The Final Death.

I gave you everything I had to give
Your pain became mine
I tried to be a pillar when you needed it
And a room with space when you needed that too.

I bared my soul. I exposed every facet of my life to you.
I burned my heart countless times
Put aside my own ordeals and placed my love for you first
Every single time.

I never imagined a life without you.
No matter the challenges, my love never ebbed.
Never faded, never less potent.
It grew as I saw you take your gentle steps towards warmth

But now I'm broken
Your ghosts have shattered me
Smashed me into a thousand pieces of glass
Draining my heart of the blood I carried for your love.

Instead of the shining goddess
Lies a tattered dishevelled carcass
Clinging to life, disconnected from the world
Withered, black with a poison destroying everything in its path.

I still dream of your walk towards loving light
My hand in yours where I still wish it to be.
But now that time is lost.
Destroyed by your visions that never existed as I held my arms open for your embrace.

A dancing angel of blue sapphire you once were

Streaking through the sun

Now a sick cowering child in black obsidian.

Sinking into a dark abyss beyond the reach of anyone.

Uncertainties.

Lips of fresh scented rose
not yet kissed
Curve of warm breasts
softness not yet embraced
The gentle arc of your back
not yet caressed
Don't hurt me
Don't shatter me
Please don't break  

this brittle heart.

The Birch of Cancer.

~ An olive branch

Drifts through my fingers

burnt to a cinder

Cancerous, decayed

Before I could even feel it's warmth

Soft in my hand. ~

In the broken heart, a shattered rainbow with dizzy colours.

Round, round
The merry-go-round
Left, right
Up and down
Circles, circles,
So very dizzy.

I love you
I hate you
I kiss you
I spit on you
I love you
Fuck you.

The best thing that ever happened to me.
The heaviest drain, ball and chain,
Devoted, I'll never let go,
Too hard basket, piss off, leave me alone.
I hate what happened to you,
You deserve every piece of hell you got.

My perfect goddess
Emotionless bitch.
My ultimate Queen
Self-loathing slut
My beautiful angel
You. The dysfunctional failure.

Round, round
The merry-go-round
Left, right
Up and down
Circles, circles,
So very dizzy.

A broken heart splinters
Shattered blinding bright
With more colours than any rainbow.
Circles, circles. So very VERY dizzy.
Which is left, which is right?
Which is dark, which is light?

The Dream

Every time I wake up

There's an open space

But I see your eyes of blue

Echoes in an empty room

Everytime I breathe

I'm still hearing you

You're not here in this place

And now each step I take

Wishing I wasn't walking alone

I want to open my eyes

And see this all gone

That you're still there in front of me

I want to end the night

Looking into your eyes

Gazing into my heart again

Heart is tight now

Skin so cold

‘cause you're not here in my arms

You're gone

Back into the shadows

Walking away once more

Shoulders shaking, heart breaking

"I can't do this anymore"

Baby there was nothing to do 

Now stop your tears

Nothin to do just love

I want to open my eyes

And see this all gone

That you're still there in front of me

Can this silence end now?

Your golden hair spilling onto me

Can this distance close now?

Drink your kiss, love into me

Can these tears stop now?

My life’s complete, you’re one with me

I want to open my eyes

And see this all gone

That you're still there in front of me

I want to end the night

Looking into your eyes

Tell me you love me once more...

Lyrics by MB.

The 2 Of Us

Lying in my bed I think of you
That song goes through my head the one we both knew
In each line lies another line full of sacred sound
But you're outside where the companies dream and the money goes round
Lying in my bed.
Watching my mistakes
I listen to the band they said that it could be the 2 of us

The snow might fall and write the lines on the silent page
But you're outside making permanent love to the nuclear age
Two silhouettes by the cash machine make a lovers dance
It's a tango for the lonely wives of the business class

Lying in my bed
Watching my mistakes
I listen to the band
Lying in my bed
With nothing much to say so I listen to the man
He said that it could be the 2 of us

I heard you call from across the city through the stereo sound
And so I crawled there sickeningly pretty as the money went round

Lying in my head watching my mistakes
I listen to the band
And the drums beat in my head
Pianos chime the sound in this prison of the house
And as the illness comes again can you hear me through the rain
As I listen to the band?
As I sing the silent song
Mime each lonely word
Please listen to the man he said that it could be the 2 of us

Alone but not lonely, you and me
Alone but loaded...

~ Words & Music Suede 1994

I Remember You.

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
The wind would whisper and I'd think of you
And all the tears you cried, that called my name
And when you needed me I came through

I paint a picture of the days gone by
When love went blind and you would make me see
I'd stare a lifetime into your eyes
So that I knew that you were there for me
Time after time you there for me

Remember yesterday, walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand, I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd want to hear you say, I remember you

We spent the summer with the top rolled down
Wished ever after would be like this
You said I love you babe, without a sound
I said I'd give my life for just one kiss
I'd live for your smile and die for your kiss

Remember yesterday, walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand, I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd want to hear you say, I remember you

We've had our share of hard times
But that's the price we paid
And through it all we kept the promise that we made
I swear you'll never be lonely

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
Washed away a dream of you
But nothing else could ever take you away
'Cause you'll always be my dream come true
Oh my darling, I love you

Remember yesterday, walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand, I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd want to hear you say, I remember you

~ Skid Row

Eternity.

Eternity:

To be in love with you

Beyond the realm of infinity.

The Amen Corner.

White summer.
So far I have gone to see you again.
Hiding your face in the palm of your hands.
Finding solace in the words I do despise.
You snatch at every sound.
And even though you believe that I am shackled within death,
memories are tainted with paleness.
Crestfallen still.
Those eyes... empty like a barren well.
It was the only task I would undertake.
To reap the harvest that was mine.
The seed that had sprung into a florid meadow,
and left me helpless in your embrace.
The bond we never spoke of, once stark and enticing,
now slowly smoldering to dust.
The celestial touch, from grey to black.
A fathomless void enclosing.
Unwritten secrets beneath the cobwebs.
I can not endure.
And so I rose from my sleep.
The moon turned away its face.
Overture of the long, black night begins...
something you said: "Eerie circles upon the waters".
Until now we have shared the same aura.
My ashes within your hands.
My breath in the sepulchral mound.
You know that your night is my day.
The final spark that blew life into me,
the DEMON OF THE FALL.

Music & Lyrics Mikael Akerfeldt / Opeth.

Alonely.

I'm all alone
Waiting for no one
I see the daylight fade away
I'm so afraid
I know you're around me
I hear you crying in the wind
If I could bring you back
If I had the power, I'd give you my world
And my life, you'd have it all
But life is not a game
And I know the rules and I know I must follow
them every single day
I feel that I'm loosing it all
There's nothing left to live for
I'm ending it all in my dreams
It always seems so easy in my sleep
I'm all alone
Waiting for darkness
I wish the sun would slip away
I still believe that you didn't leave me
I see your shadow in the haze
If I could have some peace
Ending the nightmare, closing the chapter
And join you in your sleep
But life is not a game
And I know the rules and I know I must follow
them every single day
I feel that I'm loosing it all
There's nothing left to live for
I'm ending it all in my dreams
And deep inside I knew
That there was one part of me
That tried to save you from yourself
The other let you go and I will
Never deny I was walking on the line of
Here and nevermore in selfish pride.

Music & Lyrics Dan Swano / Nightingale.

Admissions.

And now,

When all is gone,

Do I truly understand it

I'm truly in love

For the rest of my life

With You.

Open.

On this day

This wounded heart 

Still burns brightly

I choose to keep my heart open.

To 

The One.

Only to

You.