:: Hubsterblog ::

A Lapse.

2012-01-22T17:37:00.001+11:00

Yesterday I had everything.
A best friend, a twin,
A soulmate who is the ultimate love of my entire life,
Today I have nothing.
When will I stop being broken?

Burning with Life.

2012-01-05T17:45:00.002+11:00

Searing heat
Flickering into stars
Flames licking the night sky
My love for you burns brighter than ever.

Happy New Year.

2011-12-31T20:02:00.004+11:00

Cold.
Lonely.
Heartbroken.

Yearning.

2011-12-27T14:39:00.001+11:00

My god I miss you.

Tear of You.

2011-11-27T08:59:00.001+11:00

Crystalline
It builds, so heavy
My lash carasses it
Slowly tips and spills
Sunlight reflects through
And it runs
Shining down my cheek
I sob in heartbroken agony
As neverending love for you pours from me.

Sia "My Love"

2011-11-27T08:52:00.000+11:00

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, leave you blind
My love, you have found peace
You were searching for release

You gave it all, into the call
You took a chance and
You took a fall for us

You came thoughtfully, loved me faithfully
You taught me honor, you did it for me

Tonight you will sleep for good
You will wait for me my love

Now I am strong (Now I am strong)
You gave me all anekatips
You gave all you had and now I am home

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, leave you blind
My love, look what you can do
I am mending, I'll be with you

You took my hand added a plan
You gave me your heart
I asked you to dance with me

You loved honestly
Did what you could release

I know you're pleased to go
I won't relieve this love

Now I am strong (Now I am strong)
You gave me all
You gave all you had and now I am home

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, I'll be with you

From Black, To Grey

2011-11-23T08:52:00.005+11:00

I'm not sure
How to make it.
Where to go from here.
Confused as to what
This all means.

But I know
It's no longer black.

You're the only one
to become my family
I wanted the whole world
To see you by my side,
Every day of my life.

I know it didn't seem
That way to you sometimes.
When you slipped and fell,
It would rip me in two
Because I have so much faith in you.

I've had time to ..
To reflect on the choices
The good ones, the bad ones
If I could turn back time,
I know what I'd do differently now
Once I thought I might have been too late.
Or maybe now is the right time.

Tears still drop
Pain so raw.
From these ashes,
Do two phoenixes rise together?
I know for certain that the world
Has gone from black to grey.

The only one
Who has ever been worth everything,
You have changed everything I wanted
Now everything I want is you.
I still love you so.

Transparencies.

2011-10-19T20:17:00.001+11:00

As the day winds down,
There is a sense of relief
And also dread
Soon I'll have to face what I fear the most.
Time
The time to think, to remember.
Time to lament.

I walk home briskly,
Hurriedly treading this familiar path.
But my destination brings something unfamiliar.
I ache for home, but I fear it too.

Why am I rushing?
There's no soothing voice to ease me
No perfect embrace to comfort me
There will be no sinking into your gorgeous body
There's no warm kiss to melt me

My arms slide around the ghosts of your lovely waist
I smell whispers of the scent of your skin and hair
Each time I did I had my eyes closed
I was somewhere else
In my absolute utopia with you.

I won't be resigning to the bed to lay down with you
To gaze into your beautiful eyes
Talking for hours and hours, never once losing interest
Never wanting to stop listening
Never wanting to stop taking you in
I can't get enough of you. Please, more.

The clock would strike 9, maybe even 10. We'd hadn't even had dinner.
We'd been lost, talking to each other. Yet again.
We'd been loving our best friend,
It would fill me with joy each time,
Even if our day had been bad.

But now it's just a memory.
Nothingness greets me when I twist the door handle open.
Instead of you there is just darkness,
Nothing but my memories of you
A transparency over this painful emptiness.

Untitled

2011-10-18T21:22:00.003+11:00

One day I hope it makes sense
Why I love you so much
Why everything you are means so much to me

One day I hope you can look into the mirror
And see what I see
The beauty, the realness, the worth.

I only tried to love
To protect, to hold your hand
To catch you if you'd fall

But there was a third person, a dark person
Distorted and fractured, she would stare back at you
Filling you with fear and hatred, twisting everything.

She drove us both mad, turning everything everything to its opposite
I couldn't drive her away, neither could you.
In the end, she broke us both into pieces, and apart.

She had won. She pushed me away,
Stabbing my heart deep with cold lead
And left you shattered into a thousand shards of glass.

I hope one day you can defeat her,
So that your reflection no longer distorts
So that you see the beautiful angel that I love

Still deeply to this very day
You still light each corner of my world
You are The One.

Just another bad memory.

2011-10-04T08:27:00.002+11:00

Sometimes I don't quite understand it, how did I get here?
I thought I did most things right:
I was honest
I was trustworthy
I was respectful
I shared everything
I shared you with my life
I shared you with my family
I opened my heart wider
Wider than the widest oceans
And allowed you to fill it whole

I never abused you
I never broke your trust
I accepted your life
I accepted your family
I accepted your cracks
I accepted your fractures
I had times when these things became difficult
But I never gave up
Because all I ever wanted was to love you
Until the day I die.

But somehow, it wasn't enough.
That I accepted the distorted perceptions
That I accept the weight
That I accepted the burden
That I accepted the self-destruction
All I ever tried to do was to give strength
Not to take it
To give you true friendship
Not to abuse it
To show your accomplishments
Not imaginary failures
To wrap you in my wings in times of fear
Not throw you to the wolves
To accept you crying and shaking into my arms
Not to reject you when you needed me,
To defend you against one of your deepest nightmares
And I became his nightmare. WE became his nightmare.

I listened for years to your pains
I watched the cracks deepen, and sometimes close
I tried to learn, to accept,
To know what I should do,
To understand how I should support the woman I love for ALL time.
It was a hundred times fold what I gave to anyone else.
But somehow it still wasn't enough.
I am now outcast. I have become the rejected.
And my crime it would seem, was because I love you.
For doing everything you asked,
To try and give you everything you hoped for.

Now I guess, I'll never know how I got here,
Years of friendship, years of love, those moments of beauty
They've been taken from me, and I have no say in the matter.
Somewhere I did something to deserve being locked into a cell
I earned this somehow, my worst of punishments
Where I cannot hear you, see you, talk to you
Where the key has been thrown away,
And I am forced for all time to lose the one thing in life I was truly happy with.
For giving love, accepting you, and understanding you.
In return, I have been sentenced to become The Freak of your life.
Now I'm just another bad apple. Another failure.
I'm just another bastard to you.

Sentiments.

2011-09-20T20:58:00.000+10:00

My entire life I hoped you existed
I dreamed of you every day,
Wishing you could float down from the sun
And become real, touching my face
Kissing me into safety, your gold tresses
Protecting me from the awful people in the world.

Everything you are,
Is everything I ever wanted
Everything in place, it all pulled together
You are the friend, the lover,
The eternal partner, the challenger
And even the wife.

Now, life feels off.
Your words no longer there,
The phrases, the tones I loved, gone.
Instead of your musical laughter,
Now there is silence,
Leaves gently dropping to the ground
Me staring at them quietly,
Wondering if I'll ever feel your love again someday.

Machine City: The Final Goodbye.

2011-08-28T04:12:00.002+10:00

Do you remember, on that roof after you caught me
The last thing I said to you?

"You said: I'm sorry"

I wish I hadn't. That was my last thought.
I wished I had one more chance,
To say what really mattered,
To say how much I loved you
How grateful I was,
For every moment I was with you
But by the time I knew I'd said what I wanted to,
It was too late.

But you brought me back
You gave me my wish
One more chance to say
What I really wnated to say

Kiss me, once more.
Kiss me.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder.

2011-08-12T19:30:00.003+10:00

I thought the time would make it fade
But it hasn't.
My heart is still wide, wide open

To hold your hand
To kiss your cheek
Would make all my dreams come true.

Outcast Fucker.

2011-07-26T19:35:00.009+10:00

Unwantable
Untouchable
Loathable
Laughable
Despicable
Unattractive
Disgusting
Revolting
Unknowable
Unfriendly
Useless
Incapable
Talentless
Dumb
Stupid
A waste
Waste of time
Misunderstood
Undecipherable
Detatched
Not normal
Why can't you just be normal
Why can't you be like everyone else
Can't you decide what you want to be
Can't you do what everyone else does
Can't you just go along with it
Can't you just pretend
Loser
Idiot
Asshole
Wierdo
Strange
Bastard
Fuckwit
Cunt
Nigger
Oversensitive
Not man enough
A fucking girl
What's wrong with your skin?
What's wrong with your hair?
You have gross skin
I'd never touch you
I don't like your kind
I hate your body
I like someone with a better body
Selfish
Unloving
Inconsiderate
Ignorable
Forgettable
Invisible
Outcast fucker
I just want somone to like me
I just want you to love me
I thought I was good enough
Everyone walked away
Everyone still walks away
The Only One
Walked away.
Outcast again.
Repeat.

Acknowledgement.

2011-07-25T20:20:00.002+10:00

In my ignorance I hurt you.
In my blindness I squeezed you,
As you gave me every ounce of love you had in your body
I squeezed harder, sapping the strength you had left.
Now I pay the price in grey loneliness,
An eternal shivering sufferance
For the biggest mistake of my life.
My broken heart has taken my ability to speak,
And I quietly carry my tears with each step.
But every day, my devotion never wanes
Silently, I lift my gaze skywards and I hope.
I dream, I wish that I will someday be forgiven
That some one, The Only One,
Will grant me the acknowledgement my error
And to give you what we each so desired:
That together, we could "be ourselves in a world
that is constantly trying to make us something else."

No Better Place.

2011-07-13T18:05:00.000+10:00

The warmth of your skin in the morning
Absorbing the sun into your beautiful face
I've waited for about half an hour
Patiently for your gorgeous eyes to slide open

I move as close to you as I can
I just want to be in your arms forever
I don't want to let go, I'm so safe
So loved.

Every day I couldn't wait for you to enter the world
I never knew what I wanted to tell you
But I knew I always wanted to share something
I always wanted you to have some piece of me

Your gentle hands touching my face
Caressing my shoulders and chest
No place in the world is as beautiful
As being in my baby's arms

Have me
All of me
Take me into your soul
There's no place I'd rather be.

Trust.

2011-07-13T01:46:00.001+10:00

There is no-one left in the world
That I can hold onto
There is really no-one left at all
There is only you
And if you leave me now
You leave all that we were
Undone
There is really no-one left
You are the only one

And still the hardest part for you
To put your trust in me
I love you more than I can say
Why won't you just believe?

- The Cure, "Wish" 1992

The Reunion.

2011-07-13T00:11:00.002+10:00

Your slender arms
Slowly encircling me,
Your oceanic eyes,
Gorgeous long lashes,
Gently looking down at me
Your lips, pink
and beautiful in a smile
My heavy gaze
Looking up to meet yours
My tired eyes
Soaked, bloodshot,
My parted lips
Dry, parched
My breath is hot,
Fast, sobbing
Quicker, sobbing
Convulsing, heavy
Choking in my tears
Your gentle hands
Caress my tearstained cheeks
My body resigns
Spasms of grief
Face etched in agony
Stomach knotted in acid
Eyes screwed shut
Wails of pain
I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry
Never again
Never again
Never again
Please forgive me
Please forgive me
Please forgive me.

The Fiery Ascent.

2011-07-12T13:58:00.005+10:00

You are the sun
Brilliant golden tresses,
You are the sky,
A startling blue expanse in your eyes
You are eternity, my love

Relentless heart drives my journey upwards
The wind dries, the burning begins
Blinded and seared by your shining beauty
I await your open arms to save me,
Before I burst downwards into flames again.

Do I ascend towards you like Icarus?
Will I descend again crashing unsuccessful
To the earth on fire, charred and beaten?
Do I strive for nothingness?
Am I alone in this love now?

Coeur brisé (Broken heart).

2011-07-06T15:58:00.001+10:00

Why again?
Why do my eyes well?
These tears,
These heavy droplets
Splashing to the earth.

My sobs evoking
So much love inside
So much pain
A black emptiness
Of life without you.

To see you run
When all I want to do is hold you
To stroke your golden mane
To kiss your beautiful moonlit skin
To drink in the ocean in your eyes

You run past
Escaping like a deer in headlights
I sit wounded in your shadow
Bleeding inside
Silently screaming in agony.

One Single Life.

2011-06-30T01:41:00.002+10:00

I have only this
This one single life.
And in it I found you
The One.
Who is complete.
Who is beautiful.
Who is perfection.
Who taught me
To be strong at last.
To be a man.
To be your man.

I have only this
This one single life.
And in it I lost you.
You flailed your arms,
You begged my acceptance,
You strove to appease me
You broke yourself again and again
To be strong at last.
To be a Queen
To be my Queen

I have only this
This one single life.
And so I failed you.
So I am cast from you.
So I am directionless without you.
So I am cold when broken from you.
Now I break again and again.
Shivering in loneliness.
Around my neck chains of wrongdoings
Dragging my every footstep
To be a failure at last.

I have only this
This one single life.
And so I had told you
That our souls were joined
That I loved you
That you were The One.
Now I beg your acceptance
Now I strive to appease you
It is my turn to break again and again
To be strong at last.
To be a man
To be your man
To have your love forever.

I have only this
This one single life.

Finally. Broken.

2011-06-17T21:02:00.007+10:00

The breath quickens
Upper cheeks heating up
My chest tightens
I squint, blinking, fighting

Cold breeze did nothing to help
My pace becomes frantic
At last, I turn the key
Shoving the door open, finally inside.

And then, a deep sigh
Instantly my eyes swell
My vision swimming
Tears flow in torrents down my face

Breaths so quick
Sobbing, wailing quietly
Uncontrollable convulsions
My face tightly contorting

Muscles tense, stretched hard
Stomach in knots, ripping
Heaving deeply, my rapid panting
My heart SHATTERS APART.

Status Redux.

2011-06-15T21:42:00.003+10:00

I had a wonderful woman, who helped balance my whole world. Who wasn't perfect, because we all know no one is, but was perfect for me. She worked hard, she would do anything for me. She made me laugh and drove me crazy, she is my best friend, who I want to grow old with, who I am thankful for everyday, and who I couldn't live without. I want to brag about her a little and put this as my status, but I can't. My heart is broken and she is gone. A cold void now lies in her place, and my heart bleeds with agony as I lament her departure. Every sound in my life is a dirge, every colour has faded to grey. I fight tears every single day and finally have regrets in my life for the worst mistakes that I ever made. I have never loved anyone in my life as I do you. But I cannot put this as my status. So I keep this pain assigned to this virtual obsidian scrawl, the blood of my heart flowing down the page as these colourless letters...

The Flood Completed Me.

2011-06-15T21:29:00.004+10:00

Your eyes filled with terror
Your body shook, trembling from the cold wind
But the waters rose, the rain smashing into the pavement

Your panic is rising to fever pitch
Fingers frozen numb, toes blue in cryosleep
Exhausted, we both work as one

Never have I so wanted to take away your fears
As we bail through the rising waters
The levels slowly approach that of irreversable damage

Then at last, a clarion, a heralding tone
Our saviour has arrived, an answer to our darknened tired eyes
He works his magic, the waters receding.

But never have I felt so victorious
Never have I felt so joined to another
Never have I felt so complete with another being.

Soaked, dirty and drained
My perfect queen, my ultimate love
I never wanted to let go of you.

Our flood provided me
With one of the most beautiful moments
A bond unparalleled.

Dreams.

2011-06-13T22:01:00.001+10:00

To make love to you again now
Would shatter my heart
Into a million shards once more
But to hold you in my arms forever,
Would answer all my prayers
And make all my dreams come true.

The Silent Movie.

2011-06-01T01:14:00.004+10:00

This pause, these moments
They bring memories
Beautiful, now painful,
You float back into my life

Your loving gaze surveyed me
Your slender arms enfolded me
Your breath warmed me
Your heart completed me.

Now it plays through my mind
Dusted and crackled, blurred
An old preserved film, a silent movie
Your words without sound

My heart aches, a painful beat,
I am directionless without you
My life unbalanced, incomplete
My wailing cries, soundless.

Dry my tears
And I will kiss your's
Bring love to my life
And I will to your's.

Love me
Forever.
I love you
Forever.

Faith.

2011-05-24T23:09:00.000+10:00

I cast loving energy into the world around me
I deserve happiness for myself
I deserve happiness with those I love
Please let those I love accept this energy that I cast.
Blessed be.

Name In Light.

2011-05-22T22:03:00.003+10:00

I stare watching that black screen
Waiting to see your name in light.
Wishing for a sentence to come
I want to say I'm so badly broken.
I want to say my heart is dragging
Off the back of an old bus
Bloodied, bruised and damaged.
Crimson streaks of my love for you
Lining the roads everywhere in my life
I wonder what you're doing
As I sit here thinking of you
If you think about me.
Or whether you hate me
If you want to spit on me.
If you want to wipe me out of your life.
If you know that I never stopped being in awe of you
If you know that I wanted to impress you
If you know how desperately I love you.

Untitled.

2011-05-22T21:41:00.002+10:00

Every corner
Each pathway
A patch of grass
The lights of restaurants
A crossing on a street.

You're everywhere.
Every memory brings warmth
I think of your hands clasping mine
The safety it gave me
To know that I walked always
With you beside me

No matter what I couldn't understand
I'd never felt such completeness
I'd never felt so whole
When we spoke with each other
Our voices were two parts to a single sound
Two notes that belonged in harmony

Sometimes we squabbled
Sometimes we cried.
But every single day
Our heads rested gently against the other's
Our eyes closed, breathing easily as one
Knowing how deeply we loved each other.

Regret.

2011-05-21T17:56:00.007+10:00

It's always too late
When you realise what you did wrong
That you said the wrong words
That you acted the wrong way
That you didn't listen
That you didn't realise
there was an attempt to compromise happening before your own eyes.

I would do anything
To turn that clock back
To fix what I should have done right
To learn that I too needed to learn
To give you an end to the loneliness
And realise the trust you put in me.

I wish I knew how to stop my heartache
How to stop staring at the footpath
Everywhere I walk
My sunken eyes ready to weep
This incredible pain of not having you in my life.

I wish I had that one chance
To fix your pain that I had created
To no longer regret,
To hold your hand once more,
So that we can love each other again.
To do it right.

I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry.

Glimpse.

2011-05-19T17:59:00.004+10:00

... and as my soul shattered into a thousand shards,
I saw you once more.
Beautiful and splendid as ever,
Your eyes as blue as the clearest of skies
Hair glistening as gold
In that single glimpse,
Always and forever
The one who I never wanted to go through life without
My true friend, my true other half
The most incredible woman on earth,
You who I love forever and ever.

Bleeding Heart.

2011-05-19T13:34:00.002+10:00

The echo resonates over and over
Your soft pink lips
Warm cheeks, soothing smile
The safety of your hands in mine
Memories scattered in my mind

The embrace of your body
Arms gently encircling me
The smell of your long golden hair
The softness on my face
I never wanted to let go.

And now it is gone.
My life rips into pieces
My soul bleeds in agony
I grasp for you in my mind,
But echoes remain, resonating over and over.
I am heartbroken.

Disconnect.

2010-12-06T17:51:00.000+11:00

I am dead.

Unbreathing, a colourless shell
The fusion I craved is a fool's dream
Filled with howling cold winds
Grey and lifeless, an empty void.

My beatless heart devoid of blood,
Sucked dry from imbalance
No intertwining of limbs
A kiss that remains forever unjoined.

I am dead.

"Crush"

2010-12-05T22:47:00.001+11:00

Into your eyes
I sink so deep I just can't think now
Into your eyes
I'm lost without a word to guide me
Now hear my plea

Into your eyes
I fall this deep I cannot see now
Into your eyes
You're everywhere, I gave up easy
Now hear my plea

- The Hummingbirds "Gone EP (1993)"

So Alone

2009-11-23T12:11:00.001+11:00

It's late at night
And you need somebody
To talk to
But who of all those people
That you once knew
And if you called
Just what would you say
Would you break down
Straight away

You're so alone
You want to die
And nobody knows

You keep leaving messages
That don't say anything
Like: "Hi, how's it going?"
Pretending you're okay
You disguise your fear
So you don't scare them away
You don't want to go to sleep
Because the nightmares
Keep you awake

Your heart
Is beating strangely
Nausea and pains
Throughout your body

You're so alone
You want to die
And nobody knows

You're so alone
You want to die
And nobody knows

You're so alone
You're so alone
In the night
When people go home

You're so alone
You're gonna die
And nobody knows

You've told everyone
Who ever meant
Anything to you
To please just go away
And now you've got nobody
What are you supposed to do
It's getting late
And the night
Is getting darker
And you're fading away

You're fading away

And you're
Talking to yourself
Is this really happening?
And I'm talking to myself
Is anybody listening?

You're so alone
You want to die
And nobody knows

- Juliana Hatfield

The Finish Line?

2009-11-17T22:21:00.005+11:00

How? How do I break in?
How does one enter this maddening barrier?
Colours swarming, patterns without structure,
This silence, deafening everything!

A bridge once more I build,
Only once again to wither into dust
In this toil of bondage sweat pours from my brow
How long can I grit my crackened dead teeth before I eat them all?

Slowly the burden weighs more
My spine now curved and twisting, groaning in pain,
This ballast is almost unbearable
No words of help aid me

Running endlessly for answers, my legs burning
The flames of muted responses boil my aching feet
Still I run, the hope of light... is it even real?
Or am I going in circles?

My cries for help become a repititious background noise
Rebounding off cold stone walls
My pleas echo into the black distance
These attempts... Are they truly futile?

Have I reached the finish line? Am I at the end, or the beginning?

The Deadened Silence.

2009-07-28T02:15:00.005+10:00

Your muted fearful silence
Lacerates through my mind
Deafening my bleeding ears with its echoes
Ghosts of my past screech, an icy cold wind

Those cold oceanic eyes
That dead unfocused stare
Pale lips, the lifeless words
Do they mean anything anymore?

You hunger for love
Yet existing in loneliness
You long for embrace
Clutch tightly key to your grey prison

Cold and bloodless body, turned to stone
Forever intact your shield seperates me
I long to hold you, encircle your frozen limbs
To warm you as my heart beats finally to a still.

Regression

2009-05-31T21:13:00.003+10:00

Where there was once light
Now is only darkness.

Where was once hope
Is now hopelessness.

Where once was movement, direction
Now is locked, trapped.

Where once was a dream of completeness
Now seems a vision of gaping empty holes.

Where once I breathed life again,
Now I exist in stagnation, rotting her with my very heart.

Disintegration.

2009-05-31T20:51:00.003+10:00

Always frowning
Never sleeping
Always thinking
Never moving

When will this end?
When will I feel secure again?
When will the sky turn from awful obsidian to blue again?
When will I calm, breathe a sigh of relief?

Always problems
Always uneasy
Always questioning
Never accepting.

When will I smile, lapse safely into sleep at last?
When will I no longer ponder?
When will I become who you fell in love with?
When will everything stop disintegrating?

Weak.

2009-02-08T21:00:00.002+11:00

With you I'm complete
Life floods with colour
Sounds saturated with tone
Resonating with the happiness of every shred of my being

The most beautiful thing ever to exist
Unparalled in the entire world
More loving than I could ever conceive of
And accepting of every part of me

Why do I crumble, cracking at every corner
Becoming a shapeless powder
Collapsed into grey dust
Ashen, colourless and nondescript.

Why do my arms flail
Feeling like I miss every chance to embrace you?
How have I have lost my balance so quickly
Where once I stood firmly and in comfort?

How did I fall apart like this?

We've Lost Control.

2008-12-28T02:10:00.004+11:00

How the hell can we take someone whose creative fire lasts such a short period as a posthumous prodigy?

How come we never thought of the arty bullshit while said artist was alive? They were never revered while alive, why all these fantastical conclusions now?

How is it that we draw conclusions from statements never conceived of nor uttered by the artist, and rather from heresy via magazine articles and various media, which later become blown out of all proportion and then martyred decades later?

Is it our nature to seek meaning from nothing? Are we so lost that we consistently need to make up bullshit in order create direction when in reality there actually isn't any anyway?

So this is what our society has become, an exaggeration based on fiction?

Bit Part (Dando/Morgan)

2008-05-31T21:37:00.001+10:00

I want a bit part in your life,
A walk-on would be fine.
I just want a bit part in your life,
(A bit part in your life).

I want a bit part in your life,
Rehearsing all the time.
I just want a bit part in your life,
(A bit part in your life).

Little more than a cameo
Nothing traumatic when I go

I want a bit part in your life
A walk on would be fine
I just want a bit part in your life
I want a bit part in your life
Rehearsing all the time I just want a bit part in your life
A little more than a stand in
Won't need repremanding

Has everyone gone completely MAD?

2008-05-26T16:40:00.001+10:00

The increasing emergence of ultra conservatist behaviour scares me. The last decade, or more specifically, perhaps the last half-decade, has seen Australia's society spiral back to a behavioural standard not seen since the 1950's, and to some extent, some may argue this could include the rights of women as well.

In recent days we have seen the works of acclaimed photographer Bill Henson, whose work is beautiful, dark and unnerving, labelled as child pornography. It is very obvious that this is not the case. Anyone who has seen the exhibitions of Henson's work will clearly recognise there is a central theme, a naked starkness of the realities of urban life and darker emotion explored throughout his works.

I mean no disrespect to our Prime Minister, as in comparison to the previous son of a bitch who led our country, Kevin Rudd is far more in tune with the culture of today. Unfortunately though, this also includes our current conservative social climate. I voted for him with confidence, and overall I have little complaints about his government's performance so far.

I don't lend this situation with Henson's work to be associated to our current government, but rather a social characteristic which has evolved (or should I say, regressed) in the last number of years, most noticably, since 9/11.

The Western world has become overall a frightened place. It seems no one (in mainstream society anyway) is prepared to push the boundaries of expression anymore. This is not good for the current generation of children in schools, or young adults in universities. The future generations should be constantly challenging the norm, there should be a promotion of pushing forward, pushing people to think, to challenge and expand. Conservatism does not exhibit this in its structural characteristics, it creates a clear red line which cannot be crossed.

If we continue to exist inside this red line, it will have disasterous consequences for our society. A clear example today is many mainstream rock bands. They and their fans feel that they are part of something extreme, but the reality is that no matter how many tattoos, sideswept haircuts and tight black jeans they hide behind, they only express something which is acceptable. The emo movement for example, has a public perception of being outside the norm, but the correct observation as many music and art enthusiasts know is that this movement is little more than an attempt to get attention, and actually has little to no philosophical concept to it.

People like Bill Henson are people which Australia badly needs in its current state of conservative, dumbed-down existence. Henson explores what is uncomfortable, and we all need to be reminded of what is uncomfortable, it makes us remember what kind of things really do matter, and that being content with what is superficial and pretty to the eyes is no means of correctness. If Henson's work is indeed banned and charges are laid, then what will we see next? Will we see every work of Brett Whiteley's removed from our galleries too?

These artists are important Australians, they are outside the norm and their work educates and promotes deeper thinking. A new country such as Australia, which is still very much in its adolescence, needs people such as these to push our society and build its character. By culling their work, by discouraging the concept of challenge, all we do is take ten steps closer to what we should really be avoiding: becoming American.

Get over yourself Tania you egomaniac.

2008-05-22T19:43:00.003+10:00

I wouldn't usually write about topics such as this trashbag nonentity that Australia cares so little about that she had to go to India to find work, but I feel compelled to. A couple of years ago I had the unfortunate opportunity to meet this unpleasant woman while ordering coffee at my local.

I couldn't for the life of me figure out who she was, only that she looked familiar and then it hit me. I asked her if she had recently worked in India and she said yes. Her tone was completely condescending, but she asked whether I was Indian, to which I replied that I was. After a few exchanges on my background, she proceeded to tell me how she was more Indian than I was.

Surely if this idiot had any clue she would have realised that that is NOT something you say to someone of ethnic background, regardless of where they were born. Despite my feelings towards the political aspects of my ethnicity, I nevertheless hold it close and never forget my origins. I have never been so insulted in my life and couldn't bring myself to say much more this egomaniac desperado celebrity wannabe, so I politely left.

I would never wish bad fortune on anyone, but I dare say this fool's idiocy must be a pattern if quotes like "It's taken me ten years to be able to get a look-in there … it's a pretty damn tough country to go into as a single, famous foreigner girl" are things she would even say about herself.

With an attitude lacking in humility attitude like this, you deserve every bit of rotten press you get you waste of DNA.

A Single Origin: Zombies and Thrash Metal arise once again.

2008-04-30T22:18:00.004+10:00

How odd, the journey of music.

Some time ago I posted that my Black Metal journey was at an end for now, and that my foray into Post- and Indie-Rock was (re)beginning. This has not let off, infact I've been enjoying it immensely and continue to do so thanks to some lesser known bands such as Laura, and an up and comer from Norway, Braving The Glacier.

In recent times, my love of Black Metal has taken me into unexpected territory. Explorations into Blasphemer's side project, Aura Noir, Darkthrone's brilliant latest album Fuck Off And Die and newer bands such as America's Toxic Holocaust and Skeletonwitch, combined with an old love of 80s zombie flicks such as Return of the Living Dead have slowly instilled a desire to explore the original catalyst for my foray into more extreme styles: the hallowed halls of 80s Thrash Metal.

It was bands like Megadeth and Slayer, and later (briefly, even though not Thrash) Morbid Angel which led me towards darker extremes, only to be put on ice for around a decade later on.
Recently I've been searching for the earlier, dirty, primitive and more urbanised Thrash bands, and it seems this trend may well continue for me. It takes me back to my roots, and serves as a brilliant tool for further understanding true Black Metal.

It's very interesting listening to Death Angel's "The Ultra-Violence", a pivotal album released back in 1987 by the band when they were still in their teens. Listening to it now, I can easily mentally transcribe it into a Black Metal context. The influences are so clear, it's a fascinating realisation which I am delighted to indulge in, and will continue to for some time to come...

Spiral Of Black Doom.

2008-04-11T00:33:00.001+10:00

Words, stupid thoughtless words
Unthinking, directionless
Emission of an overactive heart

A love of her magnificent detail
Crumbling into scrutinous shards of broken glass
Speaking cuts of dripping blood

Recoiling, a half-turn to run
Arms flailing, missing the embrace
I streak away into the self-loathing of embarrassment.

Flashback.

2008-03-01T03:59:00.004+11:00

... flashes, blinding explosions searing the mind,
Each one a return to a euphoric sensuality,
Beautiful contorting bodies, deepening sexualisation of every breath.

Writhing hands, ravenously exploring the smoky rays of light,
Shapes shifting, distorting with each wave of hips and thighs,
Eyes slowly closed, the mind travelling through waves of aural orgasms.

Colours change with each gasping moan, a palettory celebration of heightened sense,
Textures dance with each trickle of sweat, my body a serpentine of expression,
I waver my limbs through the blurring stars, continuing my journey through paradise...

The Painful Departure.

2008-02-28T02:49:00.004+11:00

... and in the distance thunderclaps peel,
Lighting flashes around my shaking limbs,
As songs of longing echo through turning clouds,
Her ivory limbs finally approach from blackness,
Searing me with gratifying pain.

... touch of raking nails shave defenses with each pass,
Weakened insides exposed to her blinding sun,
Voice of silk condemns me to hell, torching hope of control,
Yearning follower, ardent addict of her beauty.
I am her's, loving slave to my companion,

... and at last, I taste her lips for the last time,
Absorbing her curvature, femininity, I melt into her embrace,
Finally she turns, fading into ebony starlit ambience,
My hands flail, gasping the empty air,
My heart bloodless, screams once more from the dead...

New Interview with Nortt (2008)

2008-02-24T01:41:00.002+11:00

Galgenfrist, Nortt's newest testimonial of the hatred of life and longing for death has been finally released recently by Avantgarde Music.

A new interview with Nortt himself can be read here (thanks Pavillon 666).

The Surrendering Interlace.

2008-02-22T10:06:00.004+11:00

... flailing limbs fall from blackness,
Towards a shimmering pale embrace.

A scent, tresses of shining gold,
Eyes of crystal, windows to truth.

Breaths short, rhythm of desires,
An interlace of flesh, interlude of energies.

Tremble, aftershocks of familiar unfamiliarity,
Our souls searing into each others hearts.

An unraveling, the freezing anguish begins,
A closing door, silent surrender...

Full Moon

2008-02-22T09:36:00.002+11:00

Full Moon

Phoenix of Gold, Enter the Sun.

2008-02-22T06:13:00.010+11:00

Eyes, crystalline blue of ocean,
Lips, pink of spring rose,
Hair gold, scent of apple, morning dew,
Skin of porcelain, tender birch sapling.

Slender beauty, she treads softly,
Feet slight on the forest floor,
Her touch soft, body caressing petals in passing
Voice whispering, softly singing to waking branches.

Free at last, her soul retained truth,
In the wake of parting clouds, spread her wings,
Taken to the sky, blazing heart of purity,
Resplendent phoenix, she rose at last from the ashes of the dead.

The best fucking unknown rock 'n' roll band in Australia.

2008-02-21T05:18:00.005+11:00

Eleventh He Reaches London from Perth WILL rule the Aussie indie scene come their new record due soonish.

These guys combine post-rock, elements of metal and sludge to create a fucking mindblowing powerhouse of emotion, power and tonal bliss. Their magnum opus, "The Good Fight For Harmony" almost caused me to order a second copy of it, for myself!

They have recently uploaded a song from their upcoming record entitled "For The Commonwealth And The Queen to their myspace.

Photos from a previous Melbourne show here courtesy of Peter Parsons.

I really can't wait to see these guys live. I'm going to totally wet my fucking pants and buy each one of these gods a drink.

An Unknown Direction.

2008-02-17T05:54:00.019+11:00

... and so my war continues...
Patience, once virtue
Now is torture
Two splinters, in heart and mind...

... journeying into wilderness again,
Heart rules the mind once more
Unable to shy away from golden tassels,
To break the lingering oceanic gaze, my fluttering heart...

Dawn skies drift from grey to orange
My eyes closing heavy and leaden, dreaming of that gaze
Aching for a longer embrace
Taste of unknown lips, the scent of unfamiliar skin...

Rich Dinosaur lovers?

2008-01-29T22:13:00.001+11:00

An interesting little article over at SMH regarding the slate of classic bands coming to our shores and charging ridiculous prices for their gigs.

On the one hand, I can agree on the steep price issue, but on the other hand, could I give a fuck about a steaming shitpile of a band like Radiohead in comparison to the mighty Iron Maiden? I think not. So in that context, I'll happily hand over my $150.

Circular Rebirth.

2008-01-11T01:28:00.000+11:00

I.

To this day and age, it never ceases to amaze me that one person can intentionally restrict another to the point where the other can not express themselves in the way they wish, down to the very books they read, the clothes they choose to wear, even topics they wish to discuss.

This kind of controlling behaviour, especially in relationships, exhibits nothing but psychological abuse. It disgusts me. Control over others is rarely (if ever) with good intention nor result, but this kind borders on abhorrent.

A new friend once entered a partnership with good intention, opening her arms and walking into the unknown with good will and challenging herself at the same time by walking so boldly. It's an admirable act for anyone in my opinion, especially when past experiences, or perhaps old habits have made the challenge difficult or daunting. Nevertheless, she accepted the challenge. She gave it her best, only to be eroded and ground like the sandstone on the Sphyinx to the point where perhaps, she barely recognised herself. Luckily, she did recognise the restriction, so sensitive is her view of the world around her, and made the decision to free herself of it. Now, she flies once more, unweighted by chains.

II.

It's funny how the universe acts. I've walked through a world punctuated with glimpses of colour, yet largely grey and lifeless for some time. The Return has been painful, but reinvention, or chiefly circumnavigation, has been increasingly fruitful. The colours in my world are slowly increasing in vibrancy. Shapes continue to take form, the disconnection lifts.

From the shallows of distant black narcissism and the strain of my limbo has risen another colour to add to the spectrum of positive direction, a reconnection. A severed bond which could not sprout, which was never allowed light in which to grow, has broken free of a bondaged miasma, forming finally as it was meant to form. It emerges almost unrecognisable. No longer governed but free, bursting for light, reborn, in some ways stronger than ever before. Another blast of light cuts into the grey world.

You know who you are. Someone out here is damn proud of you.

Nineties Chemicology

2007-12-25T15:24:00.000+11:00

The 90's were my glory days. Not only for grunge and indie rock, but especially for dance music.

Techno, jungle, rave, hardcore (gabba), goa-trance, (true) trance, house, garage. It's all I could think about for an entire decade. Day and night all I ever had on my mind was "when are we going out to dance?"

The days of being up on a box next to a DJ in a shitty club, dancing my ass off with sweat pouring off the walls, my shirt drenched, pissed, e-ing, speeding, coking, fuck knows what. It was my life. The beats... my god, those fucking mechanical beats... they delivered to me an ecstatic abandon like I had never known to exist, and never again experienced anywhere else.

The end of the 90's, and especially, the dawn of the new millennium saw (in my opinion) a big change in dance music. The true artistry waned. The real composers vanished back into the underground, and garbage cheap shit has invaded the mainstream with crappy remixes of remixes of remixes, one after the other. Every club plays a mishmash of soiled and stenched toiletry, devoid of any credible artistic merit and the populace laps it up. I feel sorry for the club generation of today, they just have no idea how diluted their experience is in comparison to the first generation's experience.

It's by chance today that I rediscovered an old favourite record label of mine, Tresor Records from Germany. A pioneering label in it's time, with a club of the same name, Tresor has consistently stayed true to its roots since 1991, continuing to seek and expose true minimalist techno-art, to educate the weak-minded into the realm of mechanic and intelligent soundscapes, and all the while maintaining its brilliant longterm relationships with its artists.

I pray for the day when true electronic music makes its return to the clubs, when this earpleasing doof oversampled elephant dung finally vanishes into the sewers where it belongs, and the true DJ's and composers take their place back on the throne of dance music. It's the biggest hurdle which stops me from going back to clubs. I cross my fingers and wait with anticipation, but perhaps for nothing?

Welcome home, Kevin.

2007-12-24T15:36:00.000+11:00

It seems only yesterday that we saw one of the biggest, if not the biggest election in Australian modern history. We've had a decade or so of conservative rule: fear propaganda, an alliance with the United States (which the Australian public generally opposes), increases in military spending and presence in a war which we have nothing to do with, and the introduction of a workplace system which provides no benefit to workers (and yet all the power to the employers). Combined with a gradual regression of Australian culture which saw us slowly heading back towards the 1950s, these factors all contributed to the crushing and fatal blow delivered to the Coalition by Labor on Saturday 24 November 2007.

I followed the election from the day Mr Rudd took the Labor reigns. He excited me, as he did many others, in providing the final return of a powerful Labor to the federal boxing ring, landing blow after blow on the Howard Government in parliament, and providing the Coalition constant annoyance with his passive, cool tactics.

In the final sitting of Question Time in 2007, we witnessed the finale - an explosive Peter Costello and Tony Abbot, both devout Christians, exhibiting completely unprofessional behaviour while attempting to bully Kevin Rudd. Rudd hit back, sure, but in the end, it was water off a duck's back.

The ashes of the Coaltion's reign are still smouldering, and the Coalition itself seems to still be in a state of disbelief. They certainly haven't taken their defeat in good sportsmanship, with Peter Costello resigning straight after the election and then publicly blaming John Howard for the loss. While not a fan of the Coalition's policies, I would have liked to have seen Costello leading the Opposition. It would have provided for very interesting battles between the new Government and the Coalition.

As it did with Labor from 1996 to 2007, it will take time for the Coalition to re-fuse, rebuild and re-balance, but all this will be worthless if the Coalition does not attempt to modernise itself. With the old-school style influence of Howard now gone, the Coalition will need to modernise its brand of conservatism in order to properly compete against the new Government if it has any chance of contesting the leadership of the country at the next federal election. No doubt, there will be a lot of shuffling of seats over the coming months, and we may not even see Brendon Nelson as the Opposition leader for long, but that is all part of rebuilding your team so it can perform again.

The new government has got off to a flying start and the public has taken this in good stead. Only less than a month into the new Prime Ministership, and Mr Rudd has already delivered (if not begun to action) on his election promises. Sometimes I have to blink twice - is it really possible that we have a new Prime Minister who is really listening to the people? Is it too good to be true? Does my KEVIN07 shirt which I wore so proudly on November 24th, causing gorgeous after gorgeous woman at the Bondi Hotel to hug me or peck me on the cheek actually still have real market value?

For me, New Year 2008 is an exciting time not for the usual fireworks and parties, but because we will soon see a return of a Parliamentary Sitting, and it is here that the nation will turn its eyes to the new Prime Minister and also to our female Deputy Ms Julia Gillard, of whom every woman across the country should be proud of.

Following a busy schedule since Novermber 24th, Mr Rudd returned home to Australia today. In his wake lies the death of Workchoices, Australia's signing of Kyoto, increased rights for gay women, a stronger anti-stance on Iraq (and most importantly more in-line with our country's feeling about it!!), reduction in Japanese whale hunting, and this is all just the beginning.

Welcome home, Kevin. Your country awaits.

I can't help it

2007-12-03T18:18:00.000+11:00

Everytime I see the words "Prime Minister Kevin Rudd" I beam with pride. I can't begin to describe how happy I am that the bastardous Coalition is off the throne.

Please Paul, come back!

2007-10-27T16:56:00.000+10:00

I miss this guy so damn much, and I'm sure many people out there would agree with me. We need people like Paul Keating back in politics!!!

Paul Keating: Censure Motion

Paul Keating: More On The Censure Motion

Paul Keating: vs Peter Costello

Paradoxic Religious Appraisal

2007-10-26T13:34:00.000+10:00

Emma Kirkby: The unrivaled and beautiful goddess of Early Music recital

I've always felt very strongly against organised religion, particularly those of Christian and Islamic faiths.

The restriction, segregation, sexism, homophobia, war, racism and rape all in the name of these faiths are events which go beyond the concept of disgusting and abhorrent. The utter despicable lows of humanity have been witnessed throughout history all in the pursuit of religious (and regional) supremacy.

Yet, despite these atrocities which to this day continue to plague our society, an aspect of these faiths displays certain beauty of faith and the imagination of the human race: art and more importantly, music.

Of all forms of early music, religious recital overpowers me like no other art form I have ever come across. Colour, texture, composition, voice (both instrumental and soloist) all converge to display a level of faith in a belief that when closely inspected, is almost difficult to comprehend. The passion, love and devotion to the ideas of God, Jesus Christ, the Church and The Cross are beautifully depicted in various recitals through history, from early choral music of the fourteenth century, through to the closing Baroque period of the 1720's to 1750.

Many argue that the Bible is the best work of fiction ever written in the history of civilisation. Sometimes, despite my disgust for The Church I'm inclined to agree. The joy of celebration in the name of God, His Glory and power, combined with the suffering and pain of the death of Jesus Christ are brilliantly conveyed throughout song, chorus and instrumental accompaniment. But more importantly, it is the lyric of God himself, from the Bible, which when voiced through recital evokes emotion never matched throughout the history of music. The joy and light projected by a chorus, the lament and suffering expressed by a soloist are almost magic in power when witnessed and easily reduce a listener to tears, and this is all taken directly from what is possibly the most brilliant story ever written in the history of our civilisation.

I find it a paradox that such beauty can be created through something which causes so much death and misery, even in the world of today. Our ability to express our love and belief is one of our strongest assets we possess - whether in glorious appraisal or depressive longing for Christ's return matters not, it is a devotion to an idea which expresses humanity in its most brilliant and unparalleled form.

The BEST, Ever.

2007-10-19T11:51:00.000+10:00

Seriously.

I'm totally convinced that the best guitar solo of all time is Jimmy Page's solo in Stairway to Heaven, on the film "The Song Remains The Same". It's just mindblowingly played, with the amount of soul and personality that few guitarists can match. Combined with the fact that such a style of playing was so new at the time, listening to it makes you realise how significant that solo alone is in the history of modern rock music.

Fuck Steve Vai, fuck Eddie and fuck Joe. This is IT. The BEST. Ever. Of ALL time.

What the fuck...

2007-09-28T23:43:00.001+10:00

The Might of Baroque

2007-09-28T02:28:00.000+10:00

It is almost a cliche, crying to music. Through stories and films we have been told about the might of music and its effect on emotion.

Few kinds of music have made my emotional state crush into sand, powerless, as Baroque has, even more so with such ease.

I recall when we saw the Brandenburg Orchestra perform the Brandenburg Concertos - during the cadenza, considering I was not familiar with the Brandenburgs at the time, I watched Paul Dyer's hands work furiously along the keyboard of his harpsichord, and I wept (with much control) in silence... Only the fact of the hall being filled stopped me from choking with trembling sobs of awe.

The same can be said of Monteverdi's works including L'Orfeo. The opening scene, sweeping movements of light, shape and texture makes my teeth grind as I fight to keep my eyes dry. The other day all it took was to hear Emma Kirkby sing Handel's Messiah and I totally lost it.

It is a reminder, really. As we are so small in comparison to stars in the sky above, so we are in comparison to the genius of composers almost half a millennium ago.It is an appreciation for the genius of our kind, what genius it is that such astonishing brilliance could be created, never to be matched again even now, five hundred years later. Just when I think that I have become desensitised to Baroque, an experience occurs to remind me, in spite of the knowledge I have gained over the last few years, that I have only just wandered in knee deep.

I have a long way to go, but the journey will be powerful unlike any other kind of music I have ever been presented with in my life. The colour is only new, texture only recently experienced, timbre only just absorbed.

sleepmakeswaves score Pelican support!

2007-09-15T14:54:00.001+10:00

Sydney's up and coming post-rock force, sleepmakeswaves have scored a support slot for the well known and highly praised Chicago quartet known as Pelican, playing at Sydney's Manning Bar October 4th.

At what will already be an excellent show due to Pelican's brilliant track record, the show will mark an excellent opportunity for sleepmakeswaves to expand on their already growing fanbase and great live performances, riding on the tails of their successful band competition shows at Sydney Uni, and providing great energy for their upcoming EP due for release in November.

Be sure to turn up and provide support for a band who will surely be a force to be reckoned with for years to come in Australia's post-rock scene! sleepmakeswaves will also be playing at their "home pad" on September 29th at the Excelsior Hotel Sydney.

At Last: Return Of The Beast

2007-09-08T21:43:00.000+10:00

I count myself really lucky to have been able to have seen Iron Maiden back at October 23rd, 1992 when they last visited Australia. It was the start of a darker time for the band, with Bruce about to leave after the tour finished.

Grunge had taken over, and metal, after being so dominant in the 1980's, had breathed what seemed its last loud breaths and taken a back seat. While I loved the Seattle sound along with my punk, skater and metal friends, my love for Metal didn't die at this time.

By this period in 1992, I had been aching to see Iron Maiden for already 6 years. My first exposure to them was in 1986 at the age of 11, and I never turned back, even during my hiatus from metal in the mid to late 90's.

When Maiden did come in 92, it was my life's wish fulfilled. I had spent six years with my bedroom walls plastered with Maiden posters, cutouts from magazines and newspapers of each band member, live shots, articles, all reaching from floor to ceiling. My cassette tapes were already worn out and I had already replaced one or two of them from overplaying.

Maiden played at the Hordern, Friday October 23, 1992. It was my first "pure" metal gig, and my first real concert. My head was shaved, and I think I was the only dark skinned guy there. There was still an air of the 80s in the atmosphere - skintight jeans, boots, bad hair, leather jackets, those totally daggy sleeveless denim jackets with patches, and of course, flannelette shirts. I even went out of my way to make sure I had my own skintight orange tab black Levi's - and they were damn awful, not to mention uncomfortable. I was hyped, albeit isolated, given my bad social memories of high school were still actually active during this time. Alone perhaps, but overjoyed.

The dark time for metal was obvious when the hall filled - to half empty. It was alarming for such an amazing band to play to a half-full hall. Despite the numbers, the noise was among the loudest I've ever heard at a gig, regardless of size. Tonnes of metalheads were drunk, and me, at the tender age of 16 and not yet drinking, well, I was pretty scared of them!

The gig opened with From Here To Eternity, and from that moment to around half way through the show, I couldn't move - I was awestruck, realising that the band were there, in front of my own eyes! I couldn't believe it.

That feeling, of everything I've described to this sentence, has been something I've never forgotten. The only thing which came close was Megadeth last year, as I had been waiting to see them since around 1987, and along with Iron Maiden, they served as the roots of my Metal education and remain at my core.

Iron Maiden's 2008 Australian tour was announced 2 days ago. Initially I didn't feel excited, but now the memories have coming flooding back and I'm anxious to get my ticket... perhaps I might even see them in more than one city, I'm still yet to decide.

Next February may be a reflection of the last 15 years of my life and how far I've come, how much further I've yet to go. I may relive some memories I wish better forgotten, but will do so with a stronger mind. This gig will be personal for me for the kind of anniversary it commemorates. I'm looking forward to it, whether alone or not seeing Maiden again will remind me of who I am, and why I'm glad to return to me.

Kevin Rudd Kicks Coalition Ass... Again!

2007-09-07T20:13:00.001+10:00

In the Herald today it has been reported that Oppostion Leader Kevin "Kickass" Rudd, during his meeting with Hu Jintao, spoke Mandarin, impressing the Chinese President, who then invited Mr Rudd to Beijing for the Olympics.

As can be predicted, the Coalition, in particular Alexander Downer, have lashed out in Kryptonic green envy stating that Mr Rudd was simply showing off his language skills as opposed to achieving anything constructive.

Mr Dower advises that one of the necessities of working in the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade (as both Mr Rudd and Mr Downer did) is to learn another language - his secondary language is French, which according to Mr Downer, while it has "proven handy from time to time", he has felt no need to "flaunt" his French.

Clearly, taking into consideration obvious jealousy from Mr Downer, Mr Rudd's Mandarin skills are far more relevant to Australia and our position in the Asia Pacific, combined with our relationships to our fellow Asian countries. The blunt correlation with Mr Rudd's Mandarin language skills to that of our relationships with Asia can not be overlooked by this small incident - it is obviously a huge benefit to Australia to have a Prime Minister who can speak one of the major non-English languages of the region.

This incident yet again lands another massive blow to the pre-election race, as the Labor party continues its fantastic and powerful momentum for what is slowly seeming to appear to be a possible landslide victory (okay, I will admit, it *IS* too early to really say that but one can still hope!). It seems that time and time again, the Rudd led Labor campaign keeps landing blow after blow on the crippling and aging Howard Government, and the Coalition has barely any firepower to hit back with.

Mr Rudd, or someone from Labor, I hope to god you read this, and know that I'm not the only one in the country running around the house screaming "Go Kevin! Kick his ass!"

New iPod Sucks!

2007-09-06T11:56:00.000+10:00

Well I'm sure we've all seen them on the news or online by now. Apple have announced the new generation of iPod Shuffle, Nano, Classic and also a newcomer, iPod Touch.

The one which concerns me the most is the new Nano, as I've had three of them, and fallen in love with them. My 8GB 2G black Nano is my pride and joy and goes everywhere I go.

But this new one (second from right)? What the hell is that? A slab of uncooked biscuits from a factory? Yuck!

Out of all the new additions, the only one worth looking into is the new iPod Touch, which is essentially an iPhone without the phone... The rest of them? Welcome to the new DorkPod.

The King speaks / since when was APEC about security & war?

2007-09-05T20:29:00.000+10:00

The King, aka Paul Keating, with his famous acid tongue (you gotta love him for it), has said recently that John Howard has not worked to bind Australia together.

I can hardly disagree with The King. Keating did a marvellous job at unifying Australia, and trying to create a country of culture and pride. The difference in my opinion is that Keating did it with the focus of all our cultures combined, where as Howard has done a terrible job of recognising our cultural diversity - his conservative approach does nothing but increase divide between Australians of all cultures instead of unifying us.

The King said his Labor prime ministership - from 1991 until 1996 - was criticised by Mr Howard, then in opposition, for "political correctness". Sure Johnny, it might look like political correctness to YOU, but the reality of it is called recognising our differences and working out ways for us all to compromise and realise we're all Australians. Sure, Howard has said things of this exact nature several times, but his actions hardly prove his words.

Keating did an amazing job during his terms of bringing us closer to Asia, after all we ARE an Asian country by geography! All Howard has done is brought us closer to the US and made us a target for terrorists!

Which leads me to my next gripe: since when was APEC about military focus? Since Bush landed all I've seen on the news is mention of military talk and Iraq. We all know that we never wanted to be there in the first place, and even more so now. So today Johnny makes the bold statement that we are not pulling out. Good one Johnny, are you trying to win an election or shoot yourself in the foot?

It seems, as per Kerry O'Brien's words on ABC's 7.30 Report tonight, that economic and environmental agendas, the traditional staple of the APEC diet, are being pushed aside to make way for talk of war and military spending/trade with the US. Even the New York Times agrees that talk changed to military topics very quickly!

All this talk of security is filling the minds of Australians with propaganda bullshit - do we really need to become like America? Aggressive, gun-toting redneck wankers who have been pushed into believing that everyone else wants to kill each and every one of them?

I hope to god that Kevin Rudd beats John Howard. This sickening pro-Bush, anti-Australian, anti-multicultural, anti-indigenous shit has to stop. And don't get me started on IR laws.

Deviation of Paths

2007-08-29T18:23:00.000+10:00

The last number of years have seen me concentrate on extreme metal (chiefly, Black Metal and its subtypes) to a level I never thought I would.

What began in my early days of the mid-late 80's with New Wave of British Heavy Metal, onwards through to Thrash Metal and briefly Death Metal, I can say with a level of "security" that as far as Metal goes, I have found my home in Black Metal - I percieve it as the most extreme, versatile, superior and intelligent subtype, and also as yet the most uncharted of metal territorities.

I feel can safely say that I feel I have reached a point where my exploration of Black Metal will slow: in terms of its history, politics, extremism and trajactory I have learned probably more than many people would care to (but by no means have I explored everything). Nevertheless, I feel I have hit my ceiling with Black Metal - I have probably analysed it further than most and will now patiently keep one eye open for the important releases, but my appetite for new bands has definitely ground to a slower pace: for the time being, I feel comfortable.

My journey in Black Metal has somewhat ended (or should I say paused) at its beginnings: with Darkthrone. It is through them that I have finally realised Black Metal's aural and philosophical scope. Ironically, Darkthrone (and also Agalloch) has led me outside of Metal again by way of their rockier influences (Darkthrone) and also their non-conventional influences (Agalloch).

With enthusiasm I have not felt since the mid-90s, I've started to explore Indie from where I left off sometime back in 1997 or so, and have come to realise that while the world (and I) mourned over Cobain and grunge's death with him, a new form of music began to emerge by 1999: Post Rock.

Post Rock, along with Drone (while not related to Post Rock) and also Indie (Punk influenced) are three forms which are currently holding my interest strongly, although with the latter it is more familiar territory for me.

Post Rock and Drone explore aural structure without structure. They create convention by destroying convention. Both musical subtypes construct by process of deconstruct. It's funny how my taste can be - these characteristics are exactly what drew me to Techno (Detriot/Chicago/UK styles) back in the early 90s as well. I seem to have a thing for minimalism (not only with aural art, but also with architecture for example), but "aurally speaking" this is the first time that I have found anything post-techno to draw my attention to it again: I guess the resonance of sound is an ever ongoing study.

A close friend in Norway would probably bang his head on the table if I finally told him that SunnO))) had finally kicked in after him trying to get me to see the fuss for the last few years. Yes Alex - it's finally making sense ;)

Similarly, a good colleague Tom has been trying to drill Post Rock into me for a good year or so now, and it's taken his own band, sleepmakeswaves to make the realisation occur for me.

And so begins what I feel could be another new phase in music: tomorrow night sees me heading over to Newtown to see arguably one of the most prolific Post Rock bands in history - Mono, and as seems to be a pattern these days, this will be yet another gig which will not see me concentrate on Metal, but instead on extremism without power or aggression instead.

Generation Y: The most stupid generation so far

2007-08-15T11:07:00.000+10:00

A very interesting article was raised over at news.com.au's site, regarding Generation Y. Oddly enough, I've thought for some time that Gen Y (mostly the mid to late Gen Y's) have ... some kind of "problem".

My team at work was made up mostly of Gen Xer's. The lot of us, despite differences at times, got along. We all "got" each other, we all behave well and respect others, and in the corporate world, we know there are things you do, and things you just don't do.

In recent times, we've had some turnover (probably about time I moved on as well) and lo and behold, an influx of Gen Y kids have come in. Each one is arrogant, has terrible work ethics, exhibits unacceptable workplace behaviour and is totally counterproductive. Pretty much every one of us Gen X'er's want to kick the living crap out of each and every Gen Y kid in our department.

I really feel that Gen Y (mid to late Gen Y) is the biggest disgrace our society has seen. They're lacking in intelligence & morals, have little to no ability to effectively self-manage themselves (and not just in work, but in a variety of situations). They are politically docile, linguistically inept, historically starved, and as selfish as can be, existing in an small bubble with very thick walls. Sure - they're technologically savvy. Woop-dee-fucking doo. That's not enough to be intelligent or an effective contribution to society.

Their culture is even more pathetic - countless brand advertisements convey a revolution. What fucking revolution? What are they rebelling against? Generation X, and most importantly, generations before Generation X did the all the work. Take our favourite bimbos Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie - the pinnacle of face-slapping to the defiant and strong women who burned their bras in 1968, these two stupid Gen Y idiots have successfully helped to bring women's stature in the 21st century back to that of the 1950's by promoting the demure, weak woman.

Gen Y is useless, quite simply. Cultureless, grey, shallow and completely directionless. Despite trying, I can't even get myself to have a conversation with most of them, they take the levels of stupidity to new heights. I feel embarrassed for them and even more so for their parents. How can anyone possibly raise their children like this?

The scariest thing of all is that this is the future of our country. One of these brainless dumbasses is going to be leading our country one day - how the hell are they going to do it? By crying when they don't get their way? Will they sulk in Question Time? Will they not respond to you unless you SMS them or befriend them on ShitSpace?

Interview with Nortt

2007-08-12T15:58:00.000+10:00

One of my favourite (and one of the most unique) of all Black Metal bands, Nortt, was interviewed by Mortem Zine very recently. An average review (mostly due to the questions, not Nortt's ability to answer or express himself). Nevertheless, good to read some new info regarding this stunning musician.

Of note, a new album is halfway through recording and the next after already being planned...

Ne Obliviscaris Interviewed by metal.de

2007-08-05T21:05:00.001+10:00

Xenoyr (above far right, bottom row), the grim vocalist from Australia's new avantgarde black metal masters Ne Obliviscaris has been interviewed by metal.de over in Germany.

The interview covers Ne Obliviscaris' unique virtuoso violin style, the band's hope to someday tour Europe and other countries, and of course THAT amazing demo "The Aurora Veil" which has left many salivating for more music from this amazing new sextet.

Interview here.
Official Ne Obliviscaris myspace here.

Note that anyone wishing to acquire a copy of the infamous demo should do so quick! Head over to:
- the band's myspace page or
- their forum or
- send an email to neobliviscaris dot merch at gmail dot com
to make enquiries before copies run out and this release turns into an expensive collector's item!

id Software's Todd Hollenshead speaks

2007-08-04T20:53:00.000+10:00

An interesting interview by game tech site joystiq with id Software CEO Tood Hollenshead.

The interview covers John Carmack's appearance at Apple's WWDC 2007 Keynote, as well as Carmack's foray into cell phone gaming engines, and also some thoughts about the growth of the Apple platform as a gaming platform. The interview is quite in-depth, and one of the better id-based ones I've read for some time.

Daydreams of Aske and Panzerfaust

2007-07-26T21:50:00.000+10:00

After being disheartened by my acoustic which I was not enjoying playing, coupled with being paranoid about bitchy neighbours downstairs laughing at my newbie mistakes, I thought for some time about acquiring an electric guitar.

Not only is it better suited for the styles I want to learn, but I can also plug my headphones into the amp and play without bothering anyone (or rather, making anyone aware of my fumbling).

Meeting Linda in Allan's Music in the city, I wandered through and was helped brilliantly by a young gentleman whose name I can't recall. Initially, I had planned to pick up a beginner Fender package (after being scorned by some friends online the night before for even considering it).

The store assistant warded me away from the packages, and we approached some Fenders and Yamahas sitting on some racks. He played around with them for me, and I quickly realised the Strat style instruments were too Bluesy for my taste, the tone was very twangy and thin (they had only 3 single coil pickups if memory serves). Plugged into a Fender practice amp (which wasn't too bad for around $170), I found that there simply wasn't enough punch in the instrument. I needed a thicker sound, a dirtier sound but at the same time, I didn't want to blow too much of a dent into the bank.

Almost at random, he pulled out a Les Paul style guitar (as I found out later, an Epiphone Les Paul Special II) Secretly, I've always admired the Les Paul shape (Arve from Enslaved sports a gorgeous black Gibson Les Paul), and I do find "metal" style instruments somewhat tacky... I wanted something with a bit of class. Ironically, Ikil had said the night before that he had a hunch I would pick up something similar to a Les Paul.

Before he plugged in the Les Paul, the store assistant advised me (much to my alarm) that certain woods, even to those used on the neck and fretboard, can effect the sound of the instrument. We walked about to other instruments, and he pointed out various fretboard woods and body woods, describing the differences in each instrument due to materials. I was shocked - I never considered that for an amplified instrument, that the construction material would effect the sound so much - I always thought the pickups, Humbuckers and strings would do all the work for amplified instruments.

He plugged in the Les Paul (and started playing the opening riff to Two Minutes To Midnight), and after playing on it for a few minutes myself, I was already firm in my decision.

We started to talk about the Fender practice amp and its limits. He wandered over to a rack and pulled down a Vox amp, only $70 more, and the sound differential was incredible. For a $250 amp it was quite impressive and it also boasted a decent set of manual controls for gain, tremolo etc, whereas the Fender amp was quite primitive in comparison. The Vox, with volume low and gain up high, even gave off a decent Burzmic sound.

With my budget possibly blown and price doubled instantly, I considered my options: losing $300 to an instrument I would not enjoy playing, as opposed to paying double for something easily more than twice the quality, and far more beautiful to play. With a dry gulp, I nodded to the store assistant and uttered the words which would spell temporary doom for my bank account - "I'll take them".

Since then I have had little time to play with work kicking back in. But I feel comfortable now knowing that I have an instrument which will go where I want it to, and most importantly, I can progress in privacy. I feel pretty confident in my new acquisition, it will bring me a step closer to someday being able to play the music I love. Already I feel less scared than I did with the acoustic, and that in itself is a good sign to me.

Crimson Velvet: Sydney Tour Comes to an End

2007-07-04T12:00:00.000+10:00

Well it was with great anticipation that I awaited meeting Crimson Velvet when he came to my shores from Norway. Over the months we've formed a strange, but good friendship. It was good to finally be able to talk to someone my own age for a change, as (musically) I tend to be surrounded by younger people which can make conversations limited and difficult at times.

While we had our opposing views at times, I also found that we surprised one another at not only how parallel we see some things, but also that we were both probably more open-minded and more flexible with things than we both thought.

Crimson Velvet is a good new friend who I enjoyed spending time with while he was here. On his last night here in Sydney, he came up with a great suggestion - we closed his trip with some respect to Darkthrone and went with camera and beers in tow to Bronte to celebrate a beautiful moonrise, and the eternal rest of those departed! It was almost funny closing it off this way, as we had started the day off with a winter swim at Bondi.

Nevertheless, while I felt funny about it at first, the evening was a blend of admiring the beautiful epitaphs and statues (and looking the old desecrated ones with much disdain), combined with moments of humour.

It was a fitting way to end our time hanging out and will be a memory I'll definitely hang on to for years to come.

More Houses of the Holy put to the torch...

2007-06-22T05:02:00.001+10:00

From www.expatica.com, comes the report:

Heavy metal 'Satanists' claim attacks on Christian sites

BREST, France, June 21, 2007 (AFP) - A shadowy anti-religious group with links to heavy metal music has claimed responsibility for a series of attacks on Christian sites in Brittany in northwest France, police said Thursday.

Members of the group, which calls itself "True Armorik Black Metal," or TABM, describe themselves as "extremist and anti-ecclesiastical" in a letter sent to local newspaper the Telegramme, which published excerpts on Thursday.

"We are going to strike again, again and again," warned the letter, in which the group's acronym is scrawled in blood-red letters over the image of an inverted Christian cross.

Police, who are hunting a group of Satanists they believe responsible for the attacks, said they were taking the letter seriously and had sent it for analysis by a specialised unit.

Graffiti of the letters ABM was found at nine Christian sites desecrated in recent weeks. Police believe the letters signify Aryan Black Metal, a Satanist movement which has links to heavy metal music, paganism and far-right politics.

Last weekend, the 16th-century Chapel of the Cross at Loqueffret near the remote tip of Brittany was gutted in a blaze, which left just the four walls standing. The doors of the chapel were forced, several original polychrome statues were destroyed.

Eight other Christian shrines -- six roadside granite crosses and two fountains -- were torn down or smashed last month in an area of the Finistere department near the popular holiday resorts of Benodet and Concarneau.

Photos here and here.

The funniest Fenriz interview of all time.

2007-06-19T02:38:00.000+10:00

What can you say about the man that has not already been said? He rules!!

Enslaved: Grutle Kjellson speaks.

2007-06-10T13:20:00.000+10:00

A new interview with Enslaved co-founder, vocalist and bassist Grutle Kjellson can be checked out here.

Negură Bunget... on MTV?!

2007-05-28T00:30:00.000+10:00

Browsing through YouTube I came across something I never expected to see... Negură Bunget (performing Vazduh) live on MTV!

Ascendance To The Pacific Metal Throne Begins...

2007-05-23T21:22:00.000+10:00

On a global scale, Australia has been home to mostly lacklustre bands in recent years who offer little considerably unique in the metal field, with the exception of a handful of bands such as The Amenta, Elysian Blaze and a few others. This period may be drawing to a close, for a new band has emerged quite unlike any other before it from Australia or anywhere else in the world.

Gathering a cult following before even releasing this, their first demo (initially slated to be their debut EP), Ne Obliviscaris hail from Melbourne, a city renowned for its deep culture of music and the arts. Such a rich environment provides a natural backdrop for the short history of these young highly talented musicians.

"The Aurora Veil" opens with explosive drumming courtesy of Daniel 'Mortuary' Presland, and tightly executed Black Metal, puncutated with Xenoyr's slicing, sharp snarls. Don't become too too comfortable with this - only a handful of bars in, there is an unexpected turn: blossoming colours of timechanging and arpeggiated structures arrive akin to the heralding of a new Spring season, accentuated by a Pizzicato (plucking of a violin), before taking a short return to the frenzied Black Metal basis, however this time framed by Xenoyr's Death Metal growls and a strong falsetto (executed so beautifully that one could mistake it for a female midrange register) by violinist and clean vocalist Tim Charles.

Only one and a half minutes into one song, and already the band has combined three different styles into their composition while firmly providing strong colours throughout their delivery. This very trait provides a (paradoxically) simple, basic expression to the Ne Obliviscaris musical character, for what is to come is unique in Black Metal, or any style of metal for that matter.

Movements of almost Bach-like nature (think along the lines of "Works for Lute BWV 995-997"), voiced with a flamenco tongue herald sweeping violin bowstrokes, evoking a weeping, emotionally saturated dirge. It's difficult trying to keep your eyes dry during these sections of the recording. The technique is a powerful emotional tool, executed like few bands have the capability to do. When one expects to hear it again in another song, it is perhaps voiced through a blend of almost gypsy-like folk, which melds into metal. Truly ingenious, highly creative and unpredictable.

These movements, however, unveil the definitive and unqiue character of Ne Obliviscaris' music: the inclusion of violin is nothing new in Metal: one of the most famous bands to use violins was none other than My Dying Bride, and the instrument has since been taken up by countless cloned gothic doom bands since. None however, have used the instrument's voice in its true virtuosic form and this is exactly what Ne Obliviscaris have achieved here, and for what could be the first time in Metal history. Instead of the two virtuso being guitarists, one is instead a violinist. The result is a beautiful and vibrant spectra of pale colours, combined with a powerful shift back and forth between virtuoso violin and guitars. It is mindnumbing at how effective this method is, how natural it sounds.

A wise young friend said to me recently, that most bands, especially at their humble beginnings, have a weak link - be it songwriting, musicianship, or dedication. With Ne Obliviscaris there is truly none. The only thing which can possibly come close is the (barely) audible trait of a bands' youth but that is all. Given their upcoming album, it is highly conceivable that any trace of youthful songwriting will disappear quickly, to be replaced by the more evolved version of the already powerful maturity and depth that the band exhudes.

Each member of the band is a master of their instrument. Both guitarists, Matt Klavins and Corey King, play emotionally, aggressively, and classically. Bassist Brendan 'Cygnus' Brown's playing covers a large range of his fretboard, evident in diverse structures throughout the songs, and he also plays with blistering speed in the opening song "Tapestry Of The Starless Abstract". Drummer Daniel 'Mortuary' Presland's playing is perhaps the most solid Black Metal styled drumming heard yet from an Australian band, he handles timechanges and consistency of speed with great confidence. These musicians, along with Xenoyr and Tim Charles, combine to form a band of formidable unity and strength, and the best part of their journey is that it has only just begun.

"The Aurora Veil" is a stunning commencement to what will surely be an amazing forthcoming career. There is no doubt that Ne Obliviscaris will lead Australia's metal reputation to great heights in the coming years, and I, among many others, will watch with wide eyes for this band to ascend to the Pacific metal throne on the back of this stunning and beautiful debut release.

Official Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/neobliviscaris

Rise of the locals!

2007-05-21T23:17:00.000+10:00

Over the years I have been quite unimpressed with the lacklustre state of not only Australian metal, but with Australian indie music as well.

The glory days of the early nineties came and went, and seemingly with it, any hope of excellent songwriting not aimed at the dumbified mainstream. The last few years have seen me hanging onto the remains of my old beloved bands from the glory days who still play every now and then. Their magic has not faded, but in the back of my mind, I have felt worried that I'm starting to live in the past, and this of course isn't a good thing.

In recent times I've discovered some excellent local bands, thanks to friends Mike and Tom: Ne Obliviscaris promises to crush every other Australian Metal band of the last decade effortlessly with their first demo alone (I can't wait to see them live), and Tom's own band, sleepmakeswaves takes a beautiful, spacial and atmospheric trajectory on instrumental post-rock.

Both bands have released only their first demos, yet both promise so much. The oncoming ride of seeing both bands mature is going to be sheer delight to behold, as both exhibit mature songwriting and down to earth approaches in their work.

For these two local bands, 2007 is going to be an extremely exciting year as they both increase gigging and continue to release material. Slowly but surely, each have respective followings building, heralding the promise of great times ahead.

Stupid Insecure Racialists!

2007-05-13T13:33:00.000+10:00

I love the way racialists try to justify their racism by speaking about the grey race theory (a result of all races mixing over generations to create a so-called faceless race).

By the time any such phenomenon truly occurs, the human race will be truly dead and gone anyway. Not only that, but change creates culture, it creates art, it cuts paths to new ways of thinking, to new languages, to advancement. Thus, evolution. However, a grey race will never exist, there is too much difference with politics and morals across the world for this to be realistic, and plus, as has before, geographic effects will provide characteristics to make races different again anyway, but again, the time line for all of this will be so long that its unlikely we will still be the dominant animal on this planet by that time as it is.

How fucking stupid can some of you immature brats be as to resist change? You want to go back to fucking your sisters and having deformed babies? Spearing your dinner? Wearing pig skin as underwear? Some of you people are so fucking dumb you'll believe anything anyone tells you, you're like horses with those leather caps on their eyes, only seeing in one direction!

Fucking wake up, it's the twenty-first century. Whether or not you like it, mixed race is the new race, mixed culture is the new culture. Get used to it, you're not going to be able to stop it and the whole world will move on while you try to continue being pseudo-intellectual trend setting racialists.

The most ironic thing is that those of you who proclaim how bad multiculturalism is are probably of mixed background anyway you fucking hypocrites, get over your insecurities. You're the fucking laughing stock of society and I for one am busting with mirth. I'd love to slap every single one of you narrow-minded cunts but in all honesty its not worth my time. As I advance and rise to new heights through acceptance, you will be sitting around with your speared boar, trying to figure out how to fucking light a fire without matches and cook it without a stove. Wow, that's hell fucking Viking. Stupid fucks.

Bells In The Cold Mountains

2007-05-08T03:51:00.000+10:00

Well I'm pretty excited today. I've been harping on about cow bells lately, and thanks to Linda's good memory, I got a Yak bell.

For those of you who don't know what a Yak is, it's a cowlike animal found in the Tibetan mountains, used for herding and travel over the course of time.

I love the sounds of the bells they have around their necks (it's totally Negură Bunget by the way, anyone who's listened properly to "Primul Om" will know what I'm talking about).

So anyhow, I love the sound these bells make. A dull-ish sound, but one which sounds old, ancient. You can imagine a cold mountainside, covered in fog, with a yak walking up it on an old dirt road, no other life around and the patter of soft rain from the grey blankets of clouds around the peaks above.

I love my yak bell. I hang it with red ribbon, as red is a symbolic colour in Buddhism, the sound is a peaceful one, so I thought it fitting to use a colour from such a peaceful teaching faith.

Decline of Creativity, Rise of Slavery. Thanks Mr Howard!

2007-05-02T19:40:00.000+10:00

A few weeks ago, on 4 Corners I think it was, I saw an article regarding Melbourne University, and how it aimed to align itself more closely to American universities.

I do think that this kind of move in the Tertiary Education sector was somewhat unavoidable, it has in fact been coming for some years.

However, a second glance will reveal something which has been right under the noses of the public for many years now (probably around 12, if memory serves me correctly in regards to how long The Howard REGIME has been in power).

Over the last decade or so, funding for the Arts itself (e.g. dance or ballet companies, opera, our film and record industries) and related arts courses have dramatically dropped. So much so, that the Arts has become now a dismal and almost forgotten part of Australian modern society, and survives, by a very thin thread, on private funding.

Kids at school are aiming for corporate jobs: lawyers, I.T, engineers, accountants, the list goes on. It seems that slowly and surely, the generations following Generation X have been raised and shaped to become slaves to the money churn machine, drones to the corporations: unthinking and undeciding, yet high earning, empty shells.

In my opinion, we can thank no other than the Howard Government for this development. Creativity, the Arts, has been all but shut down. Practically ignored in our society, the media cries when many of our best leave our shores, embarking on successful careers overseas (Nicole Kidman, Heath Ledger etc). After all, what reason have they to stay here? What can a stagnating and rotting industry here do to help them put food on the table? Nothing. A creative, independent thinking Australian is not what this ultra-conservative government approves of it would seem.

It is almost a paradox in a sense - these Liberals seem to strive for an aristocracy, yet in hindsight through the previous centuries, what is aristocracy without Art?

A life without Art is a life without meaning, without expression. This is a hard reality that many students at Melbourne University are now having to deal with. It is a sad, sad reality, and only mirrors what is happening to our decaying modern culture in Australia.

Already, our culture, no longer effected by Arts, is slowly grinding to a halt, to stagnation. Feminism is dead. Shivalry is dead. Romance is dead. Domination is in. Mysogeny is in. Destruction of your enemies, as opposed to working with your enemies, is in. In short, absolutist thinking for absolutist, uncreative culture.

Goodbye, Individuality, goodbye Expression. And welcome, Unthinking Drone.

Stop Making Excuses, He Should Be Out Of This Country!

2007-05-02T11:38:00.000+10:00

Returned from his overseas trips of late, Sheik Taj el-Din al Hilaly has been interviewed by the Herald, desperately trying to ward himself away from some of the most stupid, vile and discriminatory comments we've seen come out of Australia for many decades. On the Herald's article, a photo shows Hilaly with a warm smile on his face, cooking in his suburban home as if he was a simple, respectable citizen.

It couldn't be further from the truth. This despicable bastard should be booted out of the country as soon as possible. As far as I am concerned, if you compare women to pieces of meat, you simply DO NOT belong in this country. Fuck you, you Neanderthal prick - not only do you CLEARLY exhibit extremist thinking, you're kicking the good Muslims of Australia in the guts.

The Disease that is Crapspace.

2007-05-02T01:30:00.000+10:00

I've resisted as long as I can. Now it looks like I can do so no longer: I've done what I said I would never do, make a shitspace page. Who knows what purpose it will serve, but well, it's there. ** groan **

Darkestrah: Epos (2007)

2007-04-24T15:50:00.000+10:00

With

Norway

's Black Metal dominance waning, other regions have taken up their banners to express themselves in the Black Metal ideology.

One region of the world which has suffered a lack of input has been those of Islamic origins. We've had Melechesh in Israel, but they moved quickly from Black Metal to Blackened Death, so they can't be included (in my opinion). We lack Black Metal utilising non-European Pagan influences, but we are slowly seeing this change.

In recent years, a horde by the name of Darkestrah have risen from their homeland of Kyrgyzstan in Central Asia, creating a series of excellent and original works incorporating their Shamanic influences, but remaining quite deeply underground.

Their home country is landlocked and mountainous, bordering Kazakhstan to the north, Uzbekistan to the west, Tajikistan to the southwest and the People's Republic of China to the southeast. Kyrgyzstan means the "Land of Forty Tribes" and has around a 75% Muslim population. A country filled with valleys and basins, their weather is divided from ice old storms in the north, to tropical summers in the south.

Brief background of the Kyrgyz people (thanks Wikipedia).

Kyrgyz history dates back to 201 BC. The early Kyrgyz lived in the upper Yenisey River valley, central Siberia. The discovery of the Pazyryk and Tashtyk cultures show them as a blend of Turkic and Iranian nomadic tribes. Chinese and Muslim sources of the 7th–12th centuries AD describe the Kyrgyz as red-haired with fair complexion and green (blue) eyes."

Most Kyrgyz are Muslims. Islam was first introduced by Arab traders who travelled along the Silk Road in the seventh and eight century, but was embraced superficially by the Kyrgyz. Muslim rituals were grafted onto Shamanistic rituals, and the Kyrgyz prayed only when the Mullah came to conduct sermons.

Shamanism is still practiced alongside with Islam in the Central, and to a lesser extent the northern regions of Kyrgyzstan. Certain segments of the Kyrgyz in China are followers of Tibetan Buddhism.

In a Black Metal context, both ideologically and musically, it is the Kyrgyz shamanic aspect we are interested in: where Norsk Black Metal’s “ethnic philosophy” predates Christianity with Paganism and Asatru/Odinism, Darkestrah’s vision predates Islamic rule over their homeland to concentrate on Paganism and Shamanism.

Shamanism refers to a range of traditional beliefs and practices concerned with communication with the spirit world. Its practitioners claim the ability to diagnose and cure human suffering and, in some societies, the ability to cause suffering. Shamans have been credited with the ability to control the weather, divination, the interpretation of dreams, astral projection, and travelling to upper and lower worlds.

Epos – the album.

In previous recordings, Darkestrah have utilised more ethnic influences with their works, including their lyrical focus, artwork, instruments used, and also scalic aspects of their music itself. With Epos (in comparison to their earlier works) the ethnic influence has been lessened, or depending on your personal interpretation, more intelligently used.

Epos starts off starts off with the ambient sounds of small waves lapping on the shore of a well known lake in Kyrgyzstan known as Issyk-Kul (in the Kyrgyz language means “warm lake”).

Issyk-Kul is surrounded by snow-capped peaks, but never freezes. This aspect of the lake is reflected on this album: the production is actually of dark warmth, an almost “milky” guitar sound is clearly audible, and somehow the overall crispness also retains this character. I found this to be a very strong aspect of this recording which lends Epos quite a unique atmosphere as far as Black Metal production values go.

Epos seems to be divided into two movements, with the first movement being a prelude to the second. The water ambience blends into the first movement, providing a slow building, but mid to fast paced build up to the highlight of the album (being the second movement).

At the transition to the second movement, we hear the fall of light rain and echoes of distant thunder. It is here that the slow build up finally opens, akin to the very rain we hear: non-Western scales are used in combination with percussive drumming patterns and they work very effectively to provide a tribal, shamanistic celebration under a blinding full moon on the lakes shores, complete with a gypsy style acoustic melody which later explodes into mid-paced Black Metal fury. Closing your eyes in this moment, you can imagine a small group of pagans under the full moon, dancing with abandon around a fire, celebrating their love of nature and their land.

About a third of the way through the second movement, we hear something quite new for Darkestrah: the usage of Cellos. In what I find a beautifully intelligent act of musicianship, the cellos almost echo the waves lapping of the lake’s shores in the beginning of the album. It provides a beautiful, almost visual aid to the legend of Issyk-Kul.

The entire album, when one considers the background of Kyrgyzstan and their pagan past, is a beautiful and powerful ode to the lake of Issyk-Kul: soaring minor key tremolos paint the vision of highly arcing mountain peaks, laden with shining night-time snow, while the cellos represent the still dark lake below them. It is a truly ingenious idea which the band has embarked upon, and one which works really well.

One thing which is extremely noticeable on this album is the increased musicianship of the each band member. The band is much more cohesive than ever before, and so too are Kriegtalith’s vocals stronger than ever before, perhaps even challenging the female grim vocal throne currently held by Angela Gossow. Without a doubt though, Kriegtalith is the undisputed queen of female vocals in Black Metal. On Epos, she is simply outstanding.

Every aspect of Epos signifies a spiritual, almost pre-historic journey. The album is thick with Pagan themes, but it is not done in a way which seems almost cliché in Black Metal these days. Darkestrah’s approach to pagan expression this time has been one of using subtlety to convey power of expression.

On what they began with their previous outing, Embrace of Memory, Darkestrah have truly come of age, showing on both Embrace of Memory and here on Epos a remarkably steep maturation in song writing, creativity and instrumentation. A stellar album which I feel has proven Darkestrah a strong force to be reckoned with for years to come.

10/10

Official Website: http://www.darkestrah.vze.com/

No Colours Records: http://www.no-colours-records.de/

Inevitably, the beginning of the end.

2007-04-17T20:44:00.000+10:00

And so it would appear that in a few weeks I will start to look for a new place to live. A sad end to what has been an enjoyable two years, but we knew it was coming.

Interview with John Gossard (Weakling)

2007-04-14T16:09:00.000+10:00

Surfing around and about, I stumbled onto an old interview with Weakling's John Gossard, conducted by Maelstrom metal zine's Roberto Martinelli back in 2004. A great read, and great interview by these guys.

When we started this zine, there were two things that Steppenvvolf and I set as our highest goals – mere figureheads to keep our aims high, and without much real hope of their coming true. The first and foremost was to interview Immortal. And at what later turned out to be the twilight of our Norwegian favorite’s career, we were able to chat with Abbath (in issue #8).

Second only to interviewing Immortal was interviewing Weakling, a local yet mysterious black metal band that had and would ever release only one record, Dead as Dreams. I had heard small anecdotes (based on hearsay more than anything else) about the band, but little else. Of course, this had a symbiotic effect on the album seeming better and better the less there was to find out about the band that had made it.

But Dead as Dreams made a mark on us as profoundly as any record that we had ever heard. It seemed immense: 76 minutes of abyssic, soul-shattering despair that rendered one weightless in some manner of death-like peace. It might be the best black metal record there ever was, and we were determined to find out who was behind this album that had touched us so deeply, whoever that person might be.

That person turned out to be John Gossard. He’s a low-key guy who it seems had been around the entire time. For more than two years, I had heard stories about the man from people I knew who knew him: like the story that went how Gossard wanted Dead as Dreams to be cult above all else, and to do so, would bury each album somewhere around the world, and whoever would buy an album would receive a unique map to find his or her treasure. Or simpler stories about Gossard’s famous “history of metal” speech at parties.

I first met Gossard about a year and a half before this interview took place. Ever since then, I had been working on him to do it. It finally took the release of Asunder’s (the project he’s currently involved in) first record – and perhaps the alignment of several key planets – to make this happen. So, with little knowledge aside from impressions from the only three albums that Gossard has been on, and some fairly wild third hand accounts, I started where I could only... from the beginning. The following is my conversation with John Gossard, the man behind Weakling.

Maelstrom: Where did you come from? Where did you grow up? How did you get into metal?

John Gossard: I grew up I the Bay Area, in Kensington. I went to El Cerrito High School. I got into metal originally because my sister had some AC/DC, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, Rush [records]...

Maelstrom: How old were you then?

John Gossard: I remember I was 14 when I broke my leg skateboarding. It was a really fucked up break – I wasn’t going to be able to get out of bed for, like, two months. I wanted to play guitar... I don’t remember how long I’d really wanted to, or how badly I wanted to. I had previously played some piano, and was pretty terrible at it. My dad got me a guitar for my birthday, because I couldn’t move, basically.

A guy down the street was the guitar player in Laaz Rockit. He was a pretty shredding guitarist – the band I wasn’t too into. I didn’t know any of this stuff at the time; riding a bike down the street and seeing this guy shredding, it was like, “whoa, that’s pretty cool!” I got into it and he gave me some lessons for a little while. He told me to go see his band. I think it was my birthday, or something. I got money to go see the show, and we went to go see Laaz Rockit. It turned out the opening band was Slayer. And I’d never heard of Slayer. So I saw them, and I think I was completely stoned out of my mind. And that was it. I was like, “holy shit! What the fuck is this?!”

Maelstrom: Had they put out any records yet?

John Gossard: I think they had put out Show No Mercy that year. The people who were into metal at that time were a few years older than me. I think a lot of the older people, like, those in their late 20s, thought that thrash stuff was stupid. Like, Metallica was retarded. They’d be like, “fuck that shit; Deep Purple is way heavier.” I knew people from my high school that were young enough to be into [thrash], and who bought stuff like Metallica’s Kill ‘Em All. I remember going to buy that record because the guy in Laaz Rockit told me the album was crazy. He was like this cool older kid. I looked at the album cover and thought it was stupid. “A hammer and a fake pile of blood.” But I went home and listened to it. I remember when I first listened to it, the music seemed so fast that I couldn’t even understand it.

Maelstrom: Isn’t that funny?

John Gossard: That blows my mind today.

Maelstrom: Do you think that your interest in metal was contingent on your breaking your leg, or would you have become a metal fan no matter what?

John Gossard: I remember in sixth grade, we had to take a dance class. I think they were playing disco music. I had just discovered the radio at that point. I never really knew that you could just turn on a radio and there would be music there. At the end of the class, they said we could have any 7" we wanted. I knew Aerosmith’s “Walk This Way” and whatever AC/DC hit of the month at the time. So I asked for either of those songs, but they said, “we couldn’t find it, so we got you Kool and The Gang’s ‘Celebration.’”

Maelstrom: HAHAHAHAHA!

John Gossard: I hated the song and wouldn’t take it. So they went back and got me The Gap Band’s “Burn Rubber.” And I thought that was pretty cool ‘cause it started off with a motorcycle. So I had that for a while, until I destroyed it. I was stupid and destroyed stuff as a kid. I’d scratch it on the record player. “Wow! You can play it backwards, and fuck it up!”

Maelstrom: Hahahaha.

John Gossard: Not that Aerosmith or AC/DC are the heaviest shit, but I liked the heavier rock stuff. I’d call up the station and ask what song it was. They told me it was “Iron Man.” I was always into heavier, darker music. But I didn’t know how to find it. I mean, my sister was into it for a little bit, but then she got into funk and soul... so I stole her Sabbath and Zeppelin and Rush albums. She didn’t care at the time, but now she wants them back.

So, I don’t know how long it would have taken me to find Slayer and Venom... I can’t even remember how I found Venom. I remember this friend of mine. We were best friends and he went to another junior high. He traded me a tape for some thing I had. The tape had “The Boston, not LA Compilation” (?) on it, which had Jerry’s Kids, Gang Green, The F.U.s... it was a great punk comp. And it had the first two Venom albums!

In ninth grade I got Kill ‘Em All. In 10th grade, I went on vacation with my parents to England. Ride the Lightning came out there a month before it came out here. It was in the top 40 in the hard rock section of a record store, and I gave my parents this spiel about how it was from the Bay Area and how I had to have it. That was right before I broke my leg and got the guitar. That’s how it all started.

I was into metal and punk locally, until the late 80s, when a lot of the Bay Area bands started getting really fucking cheesy. There were bands with really good musicianship, but they didn’t sound *sketchy*.

Maelstrom: That’s an interesting word to use.

John Gossard: I started losing interest. I wanted to know more about Black Flag. I saw this band that nobody knows that was a huge influence for me: The Mighty Sphincter, this underground band from Phoenix, Arizona? Or maybe New Mexico? They were halfway Black Flag and halfway Bauhaus or Crimson Death, or something. I started liking more obscure, weird music. GGFH was another one.

Then I started hearing about death metal from Europe, like Entombed and Dismember, and the American stuff... I was pretty amazed that metal had made this huge move to being darker, and I had missed it while I was paying attention to these other styles of music. I had heard stuff about black metal, but I didn’t know any way of obtaining any of it. Around ‘93, I first went online and met some people who had Burzum and Darkthrone... Thergothon was another one. Rotting Christ was another one. I started tape trading again. All of a sudden, I discovered that there was all this great dark music.

In between, I had played in a joke thrash band, called Vomitorium, when I was in high school. I was really into the music of all the thrash, but I couldn’t deal with how stupid most of the lyrics were: sort of joke-y, half political (but without taking a stance), “oh, my god! Chemical waste is going to kill us!” kind of stuff. I could not take it seriously. I was more into absurdity than morbidity at the time. The more I played that, the more I got interested in weird things you could do with harmonies, to make stuff that sounded dark.

Then I played in a punkish death metal band when I lived in Santa Cruz, called Dripping Mary. It was more serious, but less musically serious. We’d play parties and the focus was to become the best party band. But I realized there was something more cool about doing something that was more emotionally real.

Maelstrom: How about the beginnings of your recent band involvement?

John Gossard: When I came back to the Bay Area, the scene here was full of shit, as far as what I wanted to play – there was other kinds of music that I liked, but that wasn’t what I wanted to do. Then, Weakling started around ‘96. Weakling originally started out as Black Goat, which was a band that was started just to play metal. The material we came up with seemed like too many people coming from too many different angles.

Maelstrom: Didn’t Black Goat continue after that? (And put out a record or two?)

John Gossard: Yes. They just re-formed. But I was in it before it was called Black Goat. We wrote some songs, a couple of which went into Black Goat, one of which went into Weakling (“This Entire Fucking Battlefield”)

Maelstrom: Talk more about this infatuation with music that’s “sketchy.”

John Gossard: Well, I don’t only like things that are sketchy. I now like cheesy power metal. But personally, I think cheesy power metal is sketchy, ‘cause anyone that would play cheesy power metal is not anyone to be trusted. The people that take that as truth are weird and crazy.

Maelstrom: What were the events that led to Weakling breaking up?

John Gossard: In order to get into it breaking up, I’d have to get into it starting. I moved back to the Bay Area and was going to S.F. State. I was not really interested in playing with people. I kinda had a drug problem. I wasn’t meeting anyone who wanted to play the same thing as me. I didn’t get along with people who played Bay Area thrash; no one had the right energy for what it used to be.

When I got off drugs, I moved into a house with two roommates, who were both in The (Fucking) Champs. They were always playing or listening to music. For the year that I lived there, someone was always playing guitar and writing crazy riffs, but we never played music together. Then one night, me and Josh (Smith – of The Champs) realized we’d never played music together, so we decided to plug in the amps and writer something. The very first time we jammed together, we wrote the end to “Disasters in the Sun.” We had it on a tape and were listening to it for a couple weeks. I hadn’t been that inspired for years. I didn’t want it to be some bullshit, I wanted to form a band. But we didn’t know anyone who was even capable of playing black metal.

While the Champs were on tour, I saw (local band) Sangre Amado, and I saw Sam (or “Little Sunshine,” Weakling’s drummer) playing drums. When I saw that, I was like, “holy fucking shit. This guy is nuts; I want this guy to play with us.” I talked to him and gave him a couple tapes me and Josh had been working on. I told Josh about him. Josh knew Sara (Weiner – Weakling’s future bass player), who was trying to get him to let The Champs have a bass player so she could play with them. I was kind of against having her play with us, because I thought a chick wouldn’t be able to play black metal... But I said I’d give her a shot. But she worked out great. So we worked on writing stuff with her. After a month and a half, Sam decided he wanted to do it He didn’t have much free time, but he would find the time somehow. I was the only person who was only in one band, which was fine, and I wrote most of the music. Everyone was really into it.

Maelstrom: So you recorded Dead as Dreams in ‘98. When did you break up?

John Gossard: ...’99?

Maelstrom: And the record came out a year afterward. How did that feel, having the record come out a year after you broke up?

John Gossard: I felt very... unemotional. I felt very disconnected to it. I still do.

Maelstrom: You must have some notion of how much of an impact this record has made. Or do you not?

John Gossard: I don’t know. It feels really weird. When we recorded the album, we put as much as we possibly could into it. We were pretty proud of it. And nothing happened with it. And then people quit the band because of other obligations. I spent a little effort shopping it right when we did it. I got a couple responses from people who thought it was ok but weren’t interested. I don’t think it was an honest feeling. There were legitimate reasons for people to quit, but at the time, I felt betrayed, and that it was a pipe dream, or something. I felt like I was becoming arrogant or egotistical, thinking that the album was even any good.

I mean, I got responses from friends who said it was great, but I’ve always had people tell me things that I knew were complete crap where great. But now I have people telling me it’s great, and I can’t tell the difference between... I also know people have bad taste.

Maelstrom: You made it, so you’re the worst judge and the best judge, all at the same time. Invariably, when I ask bands what they think of their cult status, the answer is, “I dunno...”

John Gossard: Part of it is my own love for cult music. I like music that I don’t know where it’s coming from. Heh! I know where *my* music is coming from!

Maelstrom: Ah! Before I forget, there’s something I wanted to clear up. There’s a band called Demonic. I think they’re Norwegian.

John Gossard: Oh, yeah!

Maelstrom: There’s a riff on one of their albums (Lead Us Into Darkness, the song is called “Når Mørket Faller”), that’s almost the exact same riff as the one on “This Entire Fucking Battlefield.”

John Gossard: I can tell you *exactly* how that happened. [“This Entire Fucking Battlefield”] was written when I was in Black Goat. Me and Jim wrote that, and he gave me a riff that was not the Demonic riff, but it was pretty much based on it. I don’t know if I had the record or not, but I definitely didn’t remember it. Then I wrote a variation on what he was playing. And then I quit Black Goat and started to play with Weakling. And I wanted to revive the song. And then I bought a demo of Funeral Winds/Demonic demos, and hear basically the first riff in that Weakling song, and realize it’s almost the same. I think it’s a different time signature, but the chord progression is exactly the same. But I figured I had been playing it for a year and a half, and if anybody calls me on it, I’d give my respects to Demonic, because it’s a killer riff.

Maelstrom: Are you still on speaking terms with Josh?

John Gossard: Yeah, but I’m not good friends with him anymore.

Maelstrom: He’s sort of disavowed the whole black metal thing since, hasn’t he?

John Gossard: I don’t know. I don’t know Josh’s personal feelings on black metal. He’s definitely THE best guitarist I’ve ever played with. He’s musically brilliant. He discovers something new that interests him, and obsesses on it and learns as much as he can for a short period of time, and then moves on. But his core of interest (early rock) remains the same.

Maelstrom: I kind of got that impression based on the mystique about The Champs. So it was curious when they released V, which was more of the same stuff on IV and III.

John Gossard: I think The Champs were extremely experimental up until their first album, and after they were successful with it, they felt they should sound like that. But who am I to say?

The Champs got a good record deal, a much better tour manager, booking agent, and a long tour. And distribution. Josh had been in The Champs for seven years before Weakling. It was his band. Weakling was *me* and Josh. He was aware that he had a waning interest in what I was into, and hinted that I should eventually find another guitarist. I had been playing music in the Bay Area since I was a teenager, and I had never played anything this rad before. I knew I couldn’t just go out and find another guitarist that clicked like Josh did. We all clicked: Sarah and Sam... we has this way of working together that just worked great.

Sam physically could not play drums (in Weakling) and do his job – he’s a bike messenger. And he was in two bands. He said he’d quit as he had been in Sangre Amado prior to Weakling. He left first, and were unable to find a replacement. At that point, I was so scared that I didn’t want to fucking play with people.

Maelstrom: I think Wrest (of local act Leviathan) would really like to see Weakling get back together. Had you spoken to him about joining? Would you ever do Weakling again?

John Gossard: I wouldn’t do it for a couple of reasons. One, I’m not the same person

Maelstrom: How are you different?

John Gossard: I realize that no matter how much I drink, I’m not going to die by the time I’m 30. (Gossard is 34 at the time of this interview)

Maelstrom: (laugh)

John Gossard: Two, 2000 has passed. There’s no longer a looming thing over an entire millennia. Now, nobody knows what to expect. I think a huge amount of any of the extreme artistic style that came prior to 2000 was hugely affected by the concept of apocalypse. It would be hard not to. Anyone knows someone – friends, accomplices, co-workers – who believed in the Judeo-Christian thing that something really heavy was coming. And even if you didn’t believe it, just one of these people being more tense at work could affect you. And if it didn’t affect you, then you’re some sort of master of meditation. And if you’re a master of meditation, you’re probably not playing sketchy metal.

Maelstrom: Do you think Weakling greatly benefitted by only releasing one album?

John Gossard: Weakling could have been shitloads better. Weakling is not over because I’m past 30 and the new millennia is here. Weakling is over because it was a concept that I grew into with people that really gelled with all of it. A huge amount of it was me, but to say that it was only me and that I can re-claim that thing with some other people? That’s a load of crap. I will continue to play black metal. I may or may not release it. It may or may not be good. But it’s not going to be Weakling.

Maelstrom: The name “Weakling.” Was that inspired by the Swans’ song?

John Gossard: It was. I bought a compilation in 86-87 that had the Swans on it. It was the first time I ever heard the Swans. Their track on there was the heaviest of the comp, and one of the heaviest tracks I’d ever heard.

Maelstrom: Let’s talk about your vocals. The story that I had heard was that you had looked for a vocalist for a long time and couldn’t find one. So you said, “fuck it, I’ll do it myself.”

John Gossard: That’s... sort of true.

Maelstrom: I remember first listening to the album and thinking, “god, this guy is the worst vocalist I’ve ever heard.” And then thinking, “this guy is the worst vocalist I’ve ever heard, and I couldn’t imagine anyone else being on this record.” It soon became inseparable.

John Gossard: I was very into screaming black metal vocals, and not caring about that being ridiculous, and finding it interesting that people were freaked out by it. I used to scream at people like that in traffic. (Laugh)

We had the first couple songs written, and we wanted a vocalist. We didn’t want a lead singer – we only wanted screaming. I couldn’t do it and play guitar at the same time. I also didn’t want to be a lead vocalist. The vote within the band was, either we wouldn’t have vocals, or I’d try to do it. The longer it went on, the easier it got, and the more I liked doing it.

About the whole thing of playing music and getting tired of understanding what I’m doing: when you play music and do vocals at the same time, it’s much more bewildering – especially those vocals. My objective was not to think; to be visceral and to touch the darkest thing I could touch. It’s ridiculous, and it’s something few people are going to try and do, because you look like a fucking idiot.

Maelstrom: But the vocals on the album provide so many memorable moments. I immediately think of that utterly crushing voice breaking about 13 minutes into “This Entire Fucking Battlefield.”

John Gossard: Earlier in my life, I lived with someone who was a linguist. I was influenced by the impact of emotional sentiment stated through languages I don’t speak in black metal. And frankly, I don’t even pay attention [when the lyrics are in English]. I might look at the lyrics for bands that have had more poetic things to say, like Darkthrone or Burzum, I’ve been fascinated by the concept of telling a story you have to tell; a feeling, and emotion... but not relying on a set poem that are the lyrics. Weakling always had a couple sentences here and there, generally one per section. I would have a concept what the section was about. On one day, the first line about a story about war was, “we are going to war.” And the last line may be, “and my family is dead.” The next day, it might have been, “I killed your family and I am victorious.” It was open-ended. The concept is war – vague things. Things that kids that are into metal always think they have the answers to. I’ve never been able to commit myself to thinking that I have the answers. But I understand the force of what you feel about those things.

The passionate argument is the moving thing. I could be singing about killing Jews, or killing niggers, or killing whitey, or killing corporate America... it’d be equally valid or invalid. My point has nothing to do with propaganda.

Maelstrom: Will Weakling lyrics ever be available?

John Gossard: I have no idea.

Maelstrom: Do you have them recorded somewhere?

John Gossard: No. They’re all in my head.

Maelstrom: Did you make stuff up as you went along?

John Gossard: I had certain stuff memorized, and I made up a lot on the spot. The farther I get away from that time period, the less I even try to remember it.

Maelstrom: Do you ever listen to your old recordings?

John Gossard: I used to a lot. Now, when I do, I mostly focus on what I don’t like about it. I recently found a tape of three of our songs and riffs we never used from prior to our having keyboards or vocals. That was really exciting for me, ‘cause it was hearing us in a different context than I’m used to.

Maelstrom: Again, your perspective as the creator is so close to the product, that in a sense it’s unfair to try to relate that to anyone who is on the outside looking in. There’s no way you could listen to it the way I do, and vice versa.

John Gossard: If I sat down with anyone and went over the riffs one at a time, I would say things like, “I wrote this one five minutes after I heard this particular album.”

Maelstrom: Yes. I’m aware of that quality of the knowledge of where the ideas came from as dispelling the power that the finished product has over me. Like, when I asked about the lyrics being available, if you had said “yes,” my next thought might have been, “would I really want to know what they are?” What they really are may not be as cool as what my imagination can come up with.

John Gossard: That’s sort of the whole point on not having complete lyrics. It’s quite simple that my lyrics aren’t printed because I don’t know what they are. If you listen to tapes of us live, the lyrics won’t be the same as on the record. A lot of times, what I’m saying isn’t even words. Often they are, as far as I can tell. The concept about the song is always the same.

I was trying to do something that would prevent me from being in the same mental state whenever I played the song. Because then I’d be in something routine.

Maelstrom: This makes me think of Obituary. They have sort of a lyric sheet on Cause of Death, but the lyrics run throughout all the songs. Something like two sentences for each. I think that’s all he had, and went off on it.

John Gossard: I’m aware of that. For me, I was focused on writing good lyrics. I was aware of what I’m talking about, but I don’t know how to say it. And I’d rather not pretend to be the spokesman. I didn’t like being the vocalist. I didn’t like being in that position. I just felt that if we were going to be playing this kind of shit, this is what I should be doing. I don’t remember what it was like being on stage. But it was not comfortable.

Maelstrom: But wasn’t that so important to the success of the music? Your pain in being the vocalist came through in the vocals. That’s what was part of the truth of what you were doing.

John Gossard: I don’t know if I was aware of it enough to have thought about it.

Maelstrom: There was an article written about tUMULt (the label the Weakling album is on). A lot of it had to do with the release of Weakling. The take in the article was about how super keen you were on the record being super cult. For example, to make one copy and give it to some kid at a festival, or to make a treasure map for each album, and so each buyer would have to go hunt for and dig up their record.

John Gossard: I was very embarrassed by that whole thing. I don’t know what Andee’s (Connors, tUMULt’s owner) take is on this, but the propaganda that got started obviously came from him as he released it. But it’s ridiculous. I make ridiculous wisecracks about that shit all the time. And I do honestly think it’s funny to come up with the best album ever, and give it to the guy who’d be most into it, and never tell him what it is. But that concept was just a passing joke. And the whole association with the Champs’ name led to the notion that Weakling was a joke side-project of the Champs. And that bums me out. When Weakling existed, Josh was very adamant about not connecting Weakling with the Champs. He knew that people wouldn’t be able to deal with the fact that you could be serious about totally different things.

Maelstrom: So what’s embarrassing about this story? That it wasn’t really that big of a deal?

John Gossard: It’s not that good of a joke! But it was presented like a mainstay of Weakling.

Maelstrom: I thought the treasure map idea was pretty cool! Impossible, but funny.

John Gossard: Combining the name of the band, along with its location, and joke after joke after joke, and it seemed like a joke band. And the reality is that there’s a lot of stupid fucking crap about black metal, but it’s not a joke!

Maelstrom: What kind of stuff is stupid about black metal?

John Gossard: People who are obsessed with the image of black metal: corpsepaint, spikes, being anti-Christian. I know plenty of people who are anti-Christian, but don’t know what Christianity is all about. I know people who wear corpsepaint who think it looks pretty good when you play live. The point of it to me has nothing to do with that. Not that I’ve worn corpsepaint before or would let anyone put it on me. I’m not into black metal for other people’s rules.

Maelstrom: Track one is called “Cut Their Grain and Place Fire Within.” It intrigues me. What’s it all about?

John Gossard: The way to sustain the troops and population is food. People live off grain; cows live off grain. If you can make your way into a country you’re fighting and destroy the food source, you no longer have an enemy.

Maelstrom: Your final thoughts about Weakling and its accomplishments.

John Gossard: We got to a point where we got our claws into the edge of the cliff of the best shit. We were never able to pull ourselves up to the top of it. But if you had given us time between the first album and whenver the second album would have been, we would have gone farther than the top of the cliff. But then there might have been a point where we were no longer edgy or sketchy... I don’t know if that would have been true. It’s a personal flaw of mine never to want to stick around long enough to see if that’s gonna happen. Everything I love artistically in music is guaranteed to fail by the second to third album.

Back to eNormality

2007-03-30T13:17:00.000+10:00

After almost a whole month of excruciating trips to the internet cafe to do the most basic things, I'm finally back up. With a complete new dual core machine with all my data finally migrated after the power surge, life is good (and normal) again. Some finishing touches on configurations and drivers, and then I'm off to see Arcturus tonight.

Slave to Technology.

2007-03-21T18:08:00.000+11:00

Three weeks without a PC has been more agonising, but in some ways more liberating than I could have thought.

On the one hand I've felt like Luke Skywalker would have felt after Darth Vader chopped his hand off: "how do I knit a jumper with one hand?". Not being able to check mail, news, political readings and music related things with any regularity has been really annoying. I feel totally disconnected from the world in some ways.

On the other hand, I've been catching up with my reading a lot more, and going out of the house a lot more (albeit, also getting bored much faster too though). I've been speeding through my Paul Keating book a lot faster, and thanks to a project that I devised at work, have been able to crush through 1/2 a Cisco manual in three days.

The PC-lessness has had its good and bad bits. Thankfully though, the longest time in 12 years of not having access to my own machine that is about to come to an end.

In a week or so, I will have built a new box, and will have a gorgeous new monitor to go with it, surpassing even my beautiful Hyundai ImageQuest 19 inch LCD, which now behaves like a fried egg.

I'm definitely counting down the days. Even more so because once this is over, I can concentrate on the really important goal: getting to Norway.

Death of my Beloved in a Flash of Lightning.

2007-03-05T19:07:00.000+11:00

Last night, as Linda and I sat watching Dexter episodes on the PC, lightning flashed all around the area: a magnificent storm was in our suburb, and I snapped some great photos of it too.

For a few days prior though, we'd noticed our lights in the house dimming at random, and had asked our neighbours if they'd experienced the same. They hadn't.

This time, not only did the lights dim, but they also brightened to a considerable intensity. As we watched Dexter, I considered turning the box off.

During my thoughts as I pondered getting up and shutting down, it was already too late: my $500 Hyundai 19" inch LCD flashed white then black over and over, the sound stopped, and then the monitor hissed as smoke poured out of it and the PC shut down.

Holy fuck did I panic.

All the lights in the house glowed brilliantly, and then shut off.

We walked out of the unit, as did our neighbours. Everyone's TV's, PC's and misc appliances had exploded in some way. Outside, the rain fell, and lightning continued to flash.

As it turns out, we found during the rest of the night, Energy Australia's infrastructure outside our unit had failed, overpowering our building with 415w of power instead of 240w to each unit, frying our electricals and powe supply to the building.

Today, I took the day off work as the repairs were done. We now have power, but I had been anxious as to my data loss. I've heard too many horror stories of these kinds, so I pulled out my drives and wandered down the road to a friend's place, and chucked my drives into his machine.

My god, I am SO LUCKY. Not a single sector damaged, not a single Kb lost. Nothing. All my data, my music, documents, artworks, everything is still intact.

Now though, the claims to Energy Australia begin. For now, I am PC-less. The pain begins :(((

Ryan vs Dorkman II is out!

2007-03-03T23:38:00.000+11:00

The three year wait is finally over!

Following the huge success of Ryan vs Dorkman, which won the force.net's lightsaber choreography competition three years back, Ryan Wieber, Michael Scott, together with Three In The Afternoon's extraordinare Travis Boles at the shooting helm have finally released the sequel, RvD2.

Shot this time in hi-def, the sequel brings even better choreography, a new warehouse set, sharper effects, original score, much more dramatics and humour to fan-made lightsaber films than ever before. I found myself gasping a few times in this one, and much like the original, the ending is a nailbiter! Fuck every other lightsaber duel out there, Ryan vs Dorkman II is the shit!

Excellent work Ryan, Michael and Travis! An amazing piece of fan-film, I will definitely order this from the RvD site! 10/10! Info and download links can be found from the official RvD2 page here.

Next up for release is Travis' sequel to Three In The Afternoon entitled Six In The Morning, can't wait!

Enslaved: Ivar Bjornson speaks.

2007-02-19T08:57:00.000+11:00

A great new interview with Enslaved's musical brainchild, Ivar Bjornson (far right in above image) has been posted online here. As usual, Ivar gives great answers, representing himself and his band with maturity and honesty.

Steve Jobs Calls for End to DRM

2007-02-08T15:11:00.000+11:00

In an open letter titled "Thoughts on Music" published yesterday on Apple.com (link), Steve Jobs elucidated his, and as such, Apple's perspective on the current landscape of digital music distribution and the role of DRM (Digital Rights Management) software that restricts how and where protected music is accessible. Addressing those who have called upon Apple to open its closed iTunes Music Store—iPod ecosystem, Jobs provided a concise history of how Apple forged relationships with the four major music companies (Sony BMG, Universal, Warner, and EMI) that would allow Apple to sell music online provided the content was controlled via music studio mandated DRM.

More here.

Keating the King.

2007-02-03T00:02:00.000+11:00

I don't know why, but I've always loved Paul Keating.

Unlike many other politicians, there was something human about him, something really down to earth. Despite public anger generated by the recession back in the nineties, even at that young age, I had a feeling that this Prime Minister had our country's best interest at heart, and that he actually gave a damn about us. I didn't feel angry at him for the recession, I felt he tried hard to do what he could to keep us going.

In recent times, Mr Keating has surfaced here and there, giving speeches, and lashing out at the Howard Government's pathetic agendas which do little to make Australians feel any better about themselves.

Paul Keating's occasional popping around in the media makes me ache, I wish he would run for office again. Personally, I feel that if Mr Keating was Prime Minister again, he would be an incredibly successful one. It is so clear that he has risen to an incredible intellectual level and mature to new heights since his term ended. I feel like he has modernised well along with the world, whereas I feel like John Howard is firmly stuck in the Bronze Age.

I feel like Australia would relate to Keating, and I think he would have a much better understanding of current day Australia more than anyone else would, especially considering he played such an important part of our developing relationship with Asia (which our good mate Johnny Bush... oops I mean Howard) has managed to damage, and all the while practically making us another state of the US.

If it wasn't for Mr Keating, there's no way I could have gone to university, there's no way my family could have afforded for me to go, and there's no way I could have survived there financially.

I really feel like one day, I want to meet Paul Keating, and say "thanks. Thanks for allowing people like me to get an education and have opportunities in my life. Oh, and you're a fucking awesome bloke".

One part of Keating's charisma is his ability and talk straight down the line, and more importantly, his humour. I stumbled onto the Paul Keating Insults Archive today, and I can't help admiring him even more (not to mention laughing my head off).

Here's a beautiful example of the KING in action:

Reporter: You don't talk to ordinary people!

Keating: "Who says I don't ? Who says I don't ? I mean I see as many people as perhaps anyone in public life could..."

Reporter: How long is it since you've been to Fyshwick Markets ?

Keating: "Not long, not long. In fact if you get down to woollies at Manuka on Saturday I'd probably run over you with a trolley as I did a journo recently."

There were two major things I wanted to witness in my life.

1) see Iron Maiden
2) see Megadeth

I've done both of those. Now I will add a third thing:
3) to meet Mr Keating.

Bless you Paul, you fucking rock. God I wish you were our Prime Minister again.

Anthony Mundine: "Aborigines copped Holocaust"

2007-02-02T23:36:00.000+11:00

Anthony Mundine has copped a lot of heat from the media and the public for saying some pretty outrageous things over the years. However, I found this latest comment from him in a story on the Sydney Morning Herald's website today to ring true (I also found it kind of ironic considering this very topic surfaces in the Paul Keating biography I've been reading).

Anthony Mundine has likened the British treatment of Aborigines to the murder of six million Jews in the Holocaust.

Mundine, who has released a rap music video of Aborigines tearing up a photograph of the Prime Minister John Howard and burning the Union Jack, says Australia needs to learn from the way Germany re-established itself after the Holocaust.

"John Howard has got to step to the plate, admit he is wrong, just like the Germans did back in the day and admitted under Hitler what they did and then moved forward," Mundine told Channel Nine.

He said the Union Jack was not a symbol to be proud of.

"It symbolises murder, raping, pillaging of the native people of the land," he said.

"The burning of the flag, we burn it, or the people burnt it, because they want to wash away with the dark side, with the dark past that Australia's got in its history and let's move forward, get a more unified place for the people."

In the video, the ritualistic burning takes place against the background of Mundine's rags to riches rap lyrics: "I am just one man, it ain't the whole of the nation, politicians won't say sorry for the stolen generation."

Roots: The Beginning of Metal.

2007-01-22T23:07:00.000+11:00

It's been a long-term goal of mine, ever since getting seriously into Iron Maiden (and heavy or progressive music for that matter) way back in 1986, to someday seriously begin to dive into the roots of Heavy Metal, to discover the bands who truly changed history.

Sometimes, when seeing the odd documentary on BBC or Discovery Channel, seeing the Woodstocks and other big festival footage of the 60's and 70's, combined with a sometimes dormant passion I do have for even earlier music, I wish I had been born a decade or two earlier. I wish I could have felt that heat, that sweat and energy of the music as it invaded every facet of peoples lives at the time.

The texture and rawness of the music of these periods achieves something the music of today rarely captures: our progression as people. Our explorative ways, our needs to create.

The bands of these times, Grand Funk Railroad, Thin Lizzy, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, Hawkwind, Rainbow, Ziggy Stardust and Rush among many others would create the path that Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Megadeth, Metallica, Slayer, Kreator, Sodom and countless other metal bands would expand upon for decades to come.

My earliest memories of childhood in England were paraphrased by these incredible artists. As I have done in my Saturn Return, I am in my neverending thirst to know as much as I can about music: I feel like I'm kind of coming home. It's going to be a rewarding and deep journey.

1349: New Interview with Archaon.

2007-01-16T00:54:00.000+11:00

One of my favourite current day Norsk Black Metal bands is 1349.

Often overlooked as they don't particularly break new ground, 1349's thunderous style is something I consider extremely well executed for what it is. They are a phenomenally solid band, and I couldn't recommend them to enough people.

Their guitarist Archaon is featured in a new long and interesting interview available here.

1349's Official Site.